Monthly Archives: October 2009

1995? There’s an app for that.

Alice in Chains has broken forth from the shackles of where-are-they-now obscurity and reappeared in the likeliest of places. To accompany the Black Gives Way to Blue album release, their first batch of new material in a decade and a half, the band this week launched the Alice in Chains iPhone app. See the video for a riveting walk through.

You can “spin things, flick it, turn it,” among other nifty moves, like pressing things and moving ‘em around, holding and pulling them. You can also share the three included tracks with friends via facebook, twitter and email, and buy tour tickets and merch.

The guy doing the hands-on demo says you can “reveal certain things.” If anyone out there discovers that the app can “reveal” the origin of his accent, please let it be known. Aelice in Chaaynes aelbum? What is that, Fargo by way of Raleigh? Course, that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms/jar of flies.

Would you buy a SandSac?

Hows about a little free association on this fine Thursday morning? What do you think of when you see this word?

SandSac

Go ahead. Whatever comes to mind. Scrotal adhesion on a sultry desert day? Yeah, that’s typically what I get, too.

You see, I’ve been getting press releases from representatives of SandSac for a while, and each time I do I think it’s porno spam. But actually, it’s a beach toy, a foldable canvas pail-tote-hybrid. Behold:

sandsacFar be it from me to quibble with market research that says there’s a hole for this product to fill. But who focus grouped the name? I think it should be a rule of thumb that “Sac” be kept out of branding materials, universally, wholesale. It’s never really necessary — so many synonyms! — and always at least a little gross. Like moist.

Other words for the marketing moratorium? Let us hear your thoughts on words that’d make you barf before they’d make you buy.

If you don’t send this post to 10 people in 24 hours…

envelopeRemember chain letters? Real chain letters, the ones on paper that arrived in the mail. The ones you copied by hand and mailed, with postage, to 10 of your friends. And if you didn’t, you’d have years of bad luck. Seems like ages ago, doesn’t it? In fact, chain letters meant to bring luck have been traced back to the late 1800s, and their “Letters from Heaven” prayer-passing predecessors may have begun 100 years before that.

The 1980s, as some of us may remember, saw the start of the world record-seeking letters.

Hi this is a chain letter from a bunch of kids in Germany. They started it in 1975 and if it goes on till 1985 it will be in the guiness book of records it has not been broken yet So dont spoil it for them. Please copy this letter out six times and send it to six different people (Not the people below) and send a postcard to the first person on the list.

Apparently they were very popular in Germany…

This is a chain letter from Sil in Germany. It was started in 1986 if it goes through 1995 it will be in the Guiness Book of World Records (your name will be included) It has never been broken, so please don’t spoil it for everyone.

Of course, the Internet laid waste to that pedestrian tradition — and replaced it with an even more expediently (and immediately) annoying one, comprising the lamest of jokes, the drippiest of poems and, naturally, business propositions from Nigerian millionaires. Surprisingly, five paper chain letters were still in circulation between 2004 and 2008.

I’m neither the superstitious type, nor the type who oft overcomes laziness to copy and send out half a dozen notes, and as such I was never a big proponent of chain letters. And I certainly don’t miss them. But I do miss the way they reminded us how big the world is. An email from Australia is no more impressive than one from two cubicles over. A letter, on the other hand, posted from half a world away, literally has to travel half a world to get to you. Not one of those thousands of miles is virtual.

With the BlackBerries and the iPhones and the Internets, it’s as though the world’s billions are all within reach. It’d do us well to remember every now and again that we’re tiny specks on a big planet floating in space, and we’re not so close to each other as we think.

Google Game: Definition

dictionaryRecently, as I delighted over the sight of my brand new two-volume New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary stationed commandingly amongst the paperbacks and graphic novels on my bookshelf, I thought about how anachronistic a dictionary seems these days. Can you remember the last time you looked up a word in an actual, physical dictionary? (I can, but as we’ve well established I’m a severe dweeb.) Not that I don’t use the Web to look up words and synonyms; Merriam-Webster.com is one of the few buttons on my bookmark toolbar and it’s the quickest way, hands down.

So I figured, if I’m using online dictionaries and thesauri even while being nerdily enamored of the yellowed, brittle pages of my long-coverless Webster’s New World and the fragile leaves of my long-coveted OED, then most people probably go even more frequently, if not exclusively, to the Internet for definitions. And what are they most often looking up? To my surprise, when I typed “definition of” into Google, I found that people aren’t searching Cyberspace for mere meanings, they’re searching for Meaning.

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Jews Inherently Funnier than Shoes

Remember that “Shoes” video that was circulating for a while? People seemed to think it was funny? I never understood why, and frankly I found it downright unwatchable. But behold the power of parody. This recent send up, entitled “Jews,” takes an un-joke and actually makes it pretty funny:

Redemption through video response. Imagine the possibilities.

The Deli Serves Up Some Shake

The Shake rock.

The Shake rock.

The CMJ Music Marathon is an annual, awesomely unnavigable smorgasbord of underground acts around the city. Yesterday a writer covering the festival for The Deli mag made her way into a pre-happy hour mini-showcase of artists from Citizen Music (my li’l brother’s management co.) to catch a set by The Shake, a freshfaced rock and roll four-piece with stellar vocals, catchy guitar hooks and a penchant for the occasional disco cover. Check out the review under “Lindsey’s CMJ day 3″ — and be sure to watch the video for The Shake’s single Manic Boogie. I defy you not to chair-dance.

Bloomberg Help Desk Quells Balloon Boy Panic, Could be a Hoax

From the Bloomberg Forums in realtime during the Balloon Boy fiasco. Going above and beyond the call of duty, this Bloomberg Help Desk rep listens patiently, offers viewpoints on parenting and karma, subtly suggests shutting up and getting back to work:

15:21:03 NBCM WORKER: HI
15:21:03 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: Thank you for using Bloomberg HELP! We have received your question, and a live representative will be with you momentarily. Thank you for your patience.
15:21:09 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: hello
15:21:51 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: how can I assist?
15:22:03 NBCM WORKER: any ideas on how we can get this kid out of the hot air balloon over colorado?

15:22:08 NBCM WORKER: b/c i am totally consumed by this
15:22:22 NBCM WORKER: and noone at my work is offering anything sensible
15:23:07 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: I wish I knew of a simple solution
15:23:25 NBCM WORKER: i mean is this helium going to slowly leeak out?
15:23:36 NBCM WORKER: or should we send the seals in with some chutes?
15:24:01 NBCM WORKER: and where are the parents in all this. im sorry to be venting. i just feel like i dont have anyone to talk to
15:24:38 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: please talk to me about it
15:24:49 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: I feel the pain.. I wonder that the kid is thinking up there
15:25:00 NBCM WORKER: this issue is bigger than just kids in hot air balloons
15:25:12 NBCM WORKER: its a lack of parenting in this country, its dispicable
15:26:25 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: Im sure the parents will never leave the kid alone
15:26:47 NBCM WORKER: i mean what did they have this balloon tied down with? 4 lbs test berkely trilene?
15:26:56 NBCM WORKER: like i have on my trout rod?
15:28:58 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: im sure we will find a lot of answers once this situation is resolved
15:29:17 NBCM WORKER: 6 year olds cannot hardly wipe their own bums let alone climb in a homemade hot air balloon and friggin set it free
15:30:12 NBCM WORKER: in other news apparently the dad was on wife swap, so now things are adding up. the dad, as if building a hot air balloon like a boyscout isnt bad enough, is a scum bag
15:31:06 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: karma
15:35:16 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: Patrick, hopefully the kid will be fine and you can get back to work. Is there anything else I can assist you with?
15:35:47 NBCM WORKER: too much to handle in 25 mins before the bell. but i thank you, kindly
15:36:15 NBCM WORKER: HEY WE GOT IT DOWN!!!!!!
15:36:24 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: NICE
15:36:55 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: thats great news, hopefully the markets will close high
15:37:00 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: thank you for using bloomberg help!
15:37:01 NBCM WORKER: exactly
15:37:03 NBCM WORKER: TY
15:37:17 NBCM WORKER: you’d make a great psychiatrist
15:37:46 BLOOMBERG HELP DESK: thank you

The real question: Is this an actual conversation, or a hoax?

SciFi 101 — A Quickie with Isaac Asimov

The Unhappy Mediator is on a bit of a Science Fiction kick right now. Think Yevgeny Zamyatin’s 1920 novel We. A longtime Vonnegut devotee, I never got much more scifi-y in my literature reading than his books, or the first Hitchhiker’s Guide, until now. (This is assuming that Marquez’s Magical Realism and Kafka’s, uh, Kafka-ness don’t count. Which they don’t.)

The thing that set these wheels in motion was Isaac Asimov’s seminal short story “The Last Question” (1956), which I read as an intro to the genre upon recommendation from a wind-harvesting, RPG-mastering friend of mine. (True.) I devoured the piece with relish (figurative), reveling in the minimalist approach to a central theme of infinite proportions. For me it was definitely a gateway tale, and I’m likely on my way to a full-blown habit. But as a standalone work it’s a quick and interesting read, whether you own a worn out paperback copy of Dune (psst), or you once beat up a kid for owning a worn out paperback copy of Dune.

For those who’ve read it, here’s a chance to revisit it. And for those who’d never consider a story like this, take 15 minutes and give it looksee. It may not be your literary cup of tea, but it might just get you thinking. Plus, it starts off with two guys getting hammered and feeling brilliant — who can’t relate to that?

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Video shows future of anvil shooting is up in the air

Anvil propulsion specialist Gay Wilkinson says that women often ask him why he does what he does.

“Why would you want to do this?” is not the first question that comes to mind when I watch this video. I think the Why is pretty obvious.

Rather, the first question is: Where does one procure anvils?

The second is: What authority bestowed upon this man the title of World Champion Anvil Shooter?                                                 (Oh, Mississippi. Naturally.)

[from gizmodo]

Google Game ABCs

The ABCs. The basics. The nuts and, if you will, the bolts. The ABCs of Googling might be summarized as:

A. Go to Google.com

B. Type words of interest

C. Learn

Or, looked at another way, the ABCs of Googling are, quite simply, the As, the Bs and the Cs being Googled. Click through to learn what your fellow searchers are searching for, alphabetically speaking.

A:                                                 B:                                               C:

gg agg bgg c

The sleeper search hit? Definitely Disney’s Antarctic-aquatic Second Life world, Club Penguin, “where children play games and interact with friends in the guise of colourful penguin avatars.” The website says it’s for kids 6-14, but that it’s open to users of all ages. I’m going to call myself FlipperBaby. No way kids these days would get thalidomide jokes, right?

And let us recognize Mr. Billy Mays, the consummate pitchman even in death, for his posthumous popularity. This kind of fame is not sold in stores.