Do you have a friend name Brian? I do. And when I text him my phone makes an ethnic assumption. I type 27426 and it gives me Asian. Well, I guess there  are probably way more Asians in the world than Brians.

If I want to write to or about my friend Andy, before I can get to his name my phone offers me Body. There’s something creepy about it that I’ve never been able to put my finger on. Speaking of body parts, when I check in on my little bro I get arm.

My buddy Robbie tells me that when he tries to write to a girl named Karen, by the time he punches in the “e” his phone assumes he’s writing Lard. Here’s hoping you don’t have a fat friend named Karen.

And nine times out of ten, when I try to write the name Kev it comes out Jew. It’s just a typo, but I got this mad jewy friend named Kevin and it cracks me up every time. Ha. Jew.

Developers for the various manufacturers and carriers use different algorithms to predict what you want to say and the order in which words appear. Sometimes the sequence of suggestions makes you wonder what the hell they’re basing their math on.

Here’s a first look at some of the more entertaining and questionable predictive text suggestion progressions in a new series called “Best Intextions.”

Best Intextions: Howl it Know?

#1: Wolf
#2: Woke

Really, what are the chances more people are texting about wolves than about waking up?

Email  your favorite T9 text missteps to UnhappyMediator@gmail.com.

If you want to multitask:

The Wisdom of Woz
Why Apple’s cofounder wants two iPads.

So have you ordered one?
I’ve ordered one for a friend. Then I ordered two for myself. One with the Wi-Fi and one with the 3G. And I’ll go to the store on Friday night and wait in line, just for fun.

What’s your favorite phone?
The iPhone, because of the apps. By the way, I solved the problem of battery life and [the lack of] multitasking on the iPhone.

Really?
Yeah. I just have two iPhones, so if the battery runs down on the first one, I can use the other. And if I’m talking on one, I can use the other one to look something up. You would not believe how much use I get out of that.

[From the Form Group and Newsweek]

On the one hand, the Photoshop moron in me loves how easy this is. But of course the photographer and all-around hater in me sees this as a terrifying precedent. Will we be able to believe anything we see anymore? And what about integrity in the craft? When I first learned darkroom techniques (in a high school darkroom next to and completely dissociated from the computer & Photoshop class) I was taught to respect printing full-frame, which means not zooming in on “the good part” and cutting off the “bad parts,” but taking photos that start out good across all 35 mm. Nowadays it’s like it doesn’t even matter what’s in the photo in the first place — just Photoshop it. It makes me sad. And angry, since I hang onto this antiquated view of taking and making pictures and my work turns out looking shittier than everyone else’s.

What is “the craft” anymore, though, really? Thinking of Photoshop as a different art than Photography makes me more comfortable with the evolution of digital photo manipulation. Helps me embrace the awesome accomplishments of CS5. But the distinction between Photography and Photoshopping is so blurry that separating them feels futile and idealistic. I’m sure there’s a tool in CS5 for that.

Listen, old people. (OVER HERE, GUYS!) I’m telling you this for your own benefit. Bluetooth headsets make people look like assholes. Mainly because they refuse to take them off, which is basically what you’d be doing. ‘Course if you’re already an asshole, then, yeah, I guess this might “enhance” that image.

Turn down that damn rap music, ya whippersnappers, I got a call from my broker coming through.

And there’s the AT&T ad from March of 1995, which includes this prescient copy:

In the future no matter where you are, the nearest phone will be close at hand. Miniature. Wireless. Small enough to wear on your wrist. Yet powerful enough to reach anyone. Anywhere in the world. The strap-on telephone. The company that will bring it to you is AT&T.

Got most of that right. I’m a little uncomfortable with the “strap-on” part, though.

And will we ever be able to thank Motorola enough for loosing us from the shackles of fax stacks? Imagine, you would be swimming in those half-glossy curled sheets right now. The horror.

[Via Gizmodo]

Boy, talk about your computer freezing. Ba-zing!

For more fun uses of liquid nitrogen, check out this video from the chef of El Bulli and food author Harold McGee and get your hands on a copy of Jason X. Trust me.

[From Make via Engadget]

Wouldn’t want to disappoint, Eddie, and indeed I’m pleased to take a moment for this ad.

Bloated is right. And I’ll tell you what really grosses me out about this commercial: seeing Clapton-of-today’s puffy mane-framed face while hearing his voice say “I get off on.” Ew. There’s really an age at which one shouldn’t be allowed to say stuff like “get off” anymore. Whatever it is, he’s past it. As a consumer, I wouldn’t want to think of Eric Clapton getting off every time I get a call from a fading Blues musician. Doesn’t help none that the phone is called MyTouch. [shudder]

And while we’re on the subject of mobile endorsements by once-desirable celebrities succumbed to severe edema…

So where did all those minutes go, dough boy? Are they lost forever, along with all those offers for projects that aren’t humiliating? To wit:

“This… this is just not right.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Luke.

Of course we all must know that this is not actually how he tendered his resignation, despite BoingBoing’s assertion of such. Though, it’d be a lot cooler if he did.

[via NYT via BoingBoing.]

So, here’s a phrase I never thought I’d say: Hitler was on the money. Behold.

Adolf makes a great point I forgot to bring up in my earlier post: No Flash support. No Flash support?! How’s ol’ Jobsie going to make an essentially dedicated web-surfing device that doesn’t support Flash? It’s baffling.

And on a related note, a pretty nice little graphic of Apple product evolution: (source unknown)

Don’t you love the way SJ’s peeking out from behind his soon-to-be-released iSorry?

[Thanks, Dror & Jeff]