Category Archives: Information Stupor Highway

This is the banner on Adhesive Squares' website. I don't know what "it" is, either.

This morning I received an email press release entitled INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY WITH ADHESIVE SQUARES BRAND ADHESIVES. I’d love to increase productivity, I thought, but how can Adhesive Squares brand adhesives help me? I opened the email and was greeted with a list of solutions provided by Adhesive Squares brand adhesive products. Aha, I see it now. I need to stick stuff to myself. So I made a list of my own. A list of things I could stick to myself to increase my productivity. Here’s what I came up with:

• Those bills I’ve neglected and that contract I forgot to sign. Apparently acknowledgment is not a sufficient substitute for payment or signature. And that pile on my floor is not an effective “Outgoing” box.
• My laundry. This one could be tricky (it’s really been a while and that bag is heavy). Fortunately, according to the email, the company will work with me to “create the right solution for [my] unique application … Adhesive Squares™ brand adhesives allows the customer to retain their own adhesive goals.” And what goals I have! They go on: “whether bonding foams, fabrics, or fibers to any substrate* we make them compatible.”
  *substrate = me
• A dated sign up sheet. That way people can book me for blocks of time and see what hours I have available. This should reduce scheduling mishaps due to:
  • my own ineptitude
  • my tendency to commit to something til it’s done, whether or not I reasonably have time to complete it
  • people’s sheer disinterest in the value of my time (This is wishful thinking. Also, the value of my time varies widely depending on who’s paying)
• A pencil (see above)
• One of those fake clocks that one might see hanging in the window of a hardware store that says “Will return at…”
• Snacks

Here’s hoping that my Adhesive Squares brand adhesives plan for productivity improvement works. Next week we’ll look at where everyone else can stick it.