I don’t like panhandlers. Because they make me feel like a jerk. Because I’m usually too selfish/heartless/lazy/jaded to help them. And anyway, face to face interaction is so outdated. That’s why I like Craig Rowin’s direct but distant digital approach. Plus, when someone asks for an (M)-note instead of a dollar it means that when I say “Sorry, guy, I don’t have it,” I’m not 100% lying. I can pat my pockets all I want. It’s not showing up. Ever.
That gives me an idea for a video.
Posted in Information Stupor Highway, Shoot the Messenger
Tagged craig rowin, philanthropy, shameless plugs, videos
I know I’ve been delinquent this week. And that this ought to be a Google Game. But this is worth it, I promise.
I was on the phone with Hertz rental car. Well, on hold with Hertz rental car, that is. And an automatic message was explaining to me all the better ways of dealing with Hertz than trying to get them on the phone. I could go online, the voice told me. Or, if I were on a smartphone, I could use their mobile site, by visiting
hertz 2 go.com.
Say that out loud.
Hertz. 2. Go.
I was cracking up when the operator finally came on the line. Where were your marketing people on that one? Freaking hilarious.
Posted in Information Stupor Highway, Shoot the Messenger
Tagged hertz, ridiculous url, website
Don’t even pretend you think that’s not freaking hilarious. Pino Luongo and two balls. Bahahahahaaa.
“You know, that’s a pretty normal Italian name,” said my father, embarrassed at my unbridled laughter as we exited the neighborhood restaurant selling these cookbooks.
“Pop, it says Pino Luongo and two meatballs on it. Give me a break. That’s fucking funny.”
“It says two meatballs?” He took a moment. “I did not notice that. You’re right. That’s fucking funny.”
Yeah. You heard it here. Pino Loungo and two meatballs. Fucking funny.
It’s not so much his policy ideas as his unnervingly gruff demeanor and striking resemblance to Oswald Cobblepot.
Hey, Carl, you weren’t raised in the sewers. How’s about a little polish on those public appearances? Our research tells us that voters like fingers:
Posted in Shoot the Messenger, Unhappy Media
Tagged batman, carl paladino, oswald cobblepot, politics, videos
I never tire of watching 92Y’s brilliant parody of those insufferable New York Times Weekender ads. And neither will you:
It’s based on a couple TV spots in the NYTimes Weekender campaign. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to find the full version of one of them. It’s a real shame, because there’s a lot of douche to enjoy. Perhaps you remember the I’m not a call now kind of guy guy. Oh! Hate you! After the jump, the best I could do to wrangle up the referents.
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged 92Y, douchebags, new york times, the weekender, tv commercials, videos
My brother sent me a link to some awesomely sexist magazine ads on icanhasinternets.com. So entertaining the mid-20th Century obsession with douching (if you don’t, he’ll leave you) and those starkly-drawn distinctions between the woman’s place in the home and the man’s place in the office. Or car. You look at these unbelievably offensive ads and think, Boy, have we come a long way.
Then you look at the comments and you take it back…
When your favorite band — that one you knew since they pressed their first seven inch back in high school — sells out it’s easy to get a little outraged. And it feels entirely justifiable, in a music-snob, self-righteous kind of way. If you’re talking about a TV show, however, one on a mid-tier network that’s already in its sixth season, it’s harder to dignify indignation.
While I can appreciate Coors Light signing on to sponsor FX’s It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the product placement in last night’s season six premier was jarring. Between the Coors bottles, napkins and napkin holders, images of tapped Rockies were present in every shot from the bar.
Distracting for sure, but at least germane. When Dennis and Dee arrange a meeting with their high school crushes at a Subway, though, it’s just silly. The signage is absurd. And they’re there for breakfast. Breakfast? Even if there was some compelling reason within the show’s script to explain why they’d go to Subway, why the fuck would anyone — let alone two drunks without day jobs — go at breakfast?
Oh, that’s right: 
Subtle.
Well, I guess It’s Always Sunny has never been about subtlety. Nor has the advertising world. So maybe it’s a perfect union. I’m sure the characters, our degenerate friends Dee, Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Frank, would sell out in a flash if given the chance.
(Mini review of the season opener: Good. Not amazing, but good. Frank asking the tranny if she had to sell her dick to China? Awesome.)
Posted in Shoot the Messenger, Unhappy Media
Tagged advertising, coors light, fx, it's always sunny in philadelphia, subway, tv
The “I Love My Body” Victoria’s Secret campaign has been running for several months now, but I only just had the pleasure of catching one of the TV spots. You guys love your bodies, huh? Go fuck yourselves.
I know, I sound so typical, but I don’t even care. Seriously… just go fuck yourselves.
Sure, I get where you’re going: we should all love our bodies. And watching videos of supermodels explaining why they love theirs (1, 2, 3, 4) really makes me reflect on how I feel about mine. Truly inspiring, thanks. I have an idea for Vickie’s marketing staff. If you want your models to seem relateable, your next commercials should show them standing in front of the mirror pinching millimeters of belly skin and whining about their insecurities. Wow, models really are like the rest of us! That’ll make me a VS shopper for sure!
Assholes.
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged advertising, tits and ass, tv commercials, victoria's secret
That is the message being sent in this new commercial from ad agency Cramer-Krasselt, right?
Reminds me of Bud Light Lime’s anal sex campaign.
It’s hard to read the fine print at the end of the spot, but I’m pretty sure it says either “Warning: Consumption of alcoholic beverages may lead to balls flying at your face” or “Please enjoy Corona responsibly, with a dental dam.”
The Unhappy Mediator is unhappy to announce that No Happy Medium is now on Twitter.
Indie darlings Built to Spill once said, “I don’t like this air, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop breathing it.” If Weird Al Yankovic had done a parody, he probably would have said, “I don’t like this pear, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop eating it.”
Well, I, like Built to Spill, an imaginary incarnation of Weird Al and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (three of the biggest influences on my daily decision making), am breathing the air and eating the pear, stickers and all.
But wait, you say, how can this be? The Unhappy Mediator hates Twitter. Still true. I do hate Twitter and the ubiquitous waves of inanity emanating from it. But the site’s overwhelming popularity is a function of and party to its reach and influence; and it wouldn’t be so influential if it weren’t an inherently powerful tool to begin with. It is as a tool — that is, a marketing tool — and I intend to use it.
I will not stop making fun of Twitter, the Twitteratti, and the just-plain-Twits. I encourage you to call me out if I stray from this vow. Please view this self-interested transgression not as a defecting, but as an infiltration; I’ll be the man on the inside, ostensibly whoring for clicks, but really gathering intel and dismantling the machine from within. But mostly just whoring for clicks.
Please follow me here to keep up with the latest unhappiness.
