Category Archives: Unhappy Media

Multimedia malaise: TV, movies, music, print.

New Music: On the Pulse, in a Seat, Dignity No Extra Charge

Yes, someone is trying to revive the integrity of modern music. And it so happens it’s my brother, in New York (fucking) City. Forget the shuffle at the front of the stage and the jostle at the bar. Sit in seats like grown ups and enjoy a half dozen of NYC’s most promising musical upstarts in a civilized setting that puts the focus on performance and artistry, where it rightly belongs. The Theater Shows, presented by CitizenMusic. Three nights only in March at the Players Theater on MacDougal.

Folks, this is what happens when Rock n Roll puts on a suit and tie:

Click here for tickets. (Or here, if you’re into the Facebook.) Twelve measly bones for a truly unique experience in the New York music scene. Something new? Who knew? Get ’em while you can. I’ll see you there.

CNN and NBC Get Nasty On Air

CNN’s really going all out to cover this Austin plane crash story. So all out, in fact, that they’re apparently Googling for anything they can find on the suicide pilot Joseph Andrew Stack. And, yes, of course they’re using to the fullest all the technology in the newsroom, from the shmancy big board to desktop PCs. Sometimes, though, when you’re toggling between windows, you might accidentally broadcast more than you meant to. Like search results that include music from the A-Team and the song title “Last Real Nigga Left.”

The broadcaster realized it and quickly opened a new window, but you can’t be too fast for my DVR.

A similar R-rated misstep took place  last night during NBC’s Olympic coverage. It had just become clear that Shaun White had won the gold, and the cameras were rolling at the top of the hill as the news set in and he prepared for a victory run down the pipe. You could clearly hear White say “I can’t ride right now!” and wonder aloud if he should just ride through the middle. You could also hear his coach, once White decided to showcase his crazy McTwist, tell him to “stomp the shit out of it.”

Sometimes I really love live TV.

The First Photoshop

A Real Quack-Up: Late 1870s Collage of watercolor and albumen silver prints; 14 5/8 x 11 5/8 in.

Currently on view at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, Playing with Pictures: The Art of Victorian Photocollage is a truly fascinating, often hilarious look into a funny facet of aristocratic recreation you most certainly didn’t know was there. Whoda thunk that in the parlors and drawing rooms of 19th Century England, women were cutting up pictures of the social elite and gluing them onto water colors of ducks and toadstools?

Remember that in the 1860s and ’70s, not everyone was toting around a cheap point and shoot. Photography was still a relatively formal art/science, making the levity and wit of these creations that much more outstanding. Moreover, the folks in these pictures were no plain shlubs; only the cream of high society were skewered so. And, my, were some of these images awesomely creepy.

If you can’t get to the museum, check out the small online gallery of images, or the book, from the Art Institute of Chicago.

New York Times on Lycanthropes

nytimes.com

In case you missed it this weekend, the Times did a great piece in the Arts section chronicling the cinematic history of the werewolf genre. Witty and informative. Notably quotable, in the section of potential weaknesses of Benicio Del Toro’s new flick Wolfman:

…the unlikelihood that adding layers of latex to Mr. Del Toro’s face and putting fang-filled dentures in his mouth will make him more intelligible.

The story also gives ups to Teen Wolf, one of my all time favorite movies. Be sure to check out the online interactive feature, too, which includes videos such as the Teen Wolf trailer:

Um, in the liquor store scene they totally changed the voice over. Just sayin.

Haitian Women Channel Aristophanes

CNN reports today that women in Haiti have barred men from food aide sites. Seems the not-so-gentle men were pushing and fighting and causing unruly scenes, and are no longer allowed to collect emergency relief rations.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

If you’ve studied the Classics, or are a freelance tech writer with too much time on your hands, perhaps you’re familiar with Lysistrata, by Greek dramatist Aristophanes. In the play, a bawdy, excessively double-entendre’d, proto-Benny Hill political comedy, women are fed up with their men’s propensity for war, which is tearing the country asunder. So, led by a loudmouth named Lysistrata, they take over the Acropolis and citadel and promise only to relinquish them once a peace accord is assured.

Lysistrata
…the women have taken the Acropolis. Athene’s Citadel is ours!…
Let’s hurry inside the Acropolis and help the others shoot the bolts.

Kleonike
Don’t you think the men will send reinforcements against us as soon as they can?

Lysistrata
So where’s the worry?
The men can’t burn their way in or frighten us out.
The gates are ours — they’re proof against fire and fear — and they open only on our conditions.

Kleonike
Yes! That’s the spirit — let’s deserve our reputations:
Up the sluts!
Way for the old impregnables!

In truth, their strategic position is not the real bargaining chip. The ladies achieve leverage through sex, and the withholding thereof until an agreement is reached. (To be sure, it’s not easy on them, either; Aristophanes’ women are as horny as they are Hellenic.)

Men in Haiti can certainly empathize to some extent with the leader of the men’s chorus in Aristophanes’ play:

I won’t be played to revise, re-do,
amend, extend, or bring to an end
my irreversible credo:
Misogyny Forever!
–The answer’s never.

[Above translation by William Arrowsmith and Douglass Parker. Sometimes the translation feels fatuously over-the-top. For a free download of the work by other translators (I assume) try Gutenberg, or EServer.]

Ralph Waldo Emerson Would Probably Call You a Pussy

Logic leads to advancements, which in turn dictate logic. Why call someone when you can Facebook them? Why scan the street for an address when you can check the location on your iPhone? You could pick up a book on a subject of interest, but instead you’ll search for a few sufficient snippets online. Could you plan a trip without Orbitz or Kayak or Google Maps?

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote “Self-Reliance” in 1841, praising the strength of the individual, the value of unadulterated opinion, and revealing the folly of blind following. In it Emerson provides a poignant vision of technology’s subtle and subversive shifting of priorities and perceptions. More than a century and a half later it is still a vital reminder that whatever our tools and acquired facilities, we must rely, ultimately, on ourselves.

This passage may as well have been written today, about the Internet and cell phones. The message hasn’t lost a bit of relevance — OK, maybe a bit; Kiwis are, today, largely clothed, I reckon:

Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual changes; it is barbarous, it is civilized, it is christianized, it is rich, it is scientific; but this change is not amelioration. For every thing that is given something is taken. Society acquires new arts and loses old instincts. What a contrast between the well-clad, reading, writing, thinking American, with a watch, a pencil and a bill of exchange in his pocket, and the naked New Zealander, whose property is a club, a spear, a mat and an undivided twentieth of a shed to sleep under! But compare the health of the two men and you shall see that the white man has lost his aboriginal strength. If the traveller tell us truly, strike the savage with a broad-axe and in a day or two the flesh shall unite and heal as if you struck the blow into soft pitch, and the same blow shall send the white to his grave.

The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet. He is supported on crutches, but lacks so much support of muscle. He has a fine Geneva watch, but he fails of the skill to tell the hour by the sun. A Greenwich nautical almanac he has, and so being sure of the information when he wants it, the man in the street does not know a star in the sky. The solstice he does not observe; the equinox he knows as little; and the whole bright calendar of the year is without a dial in his mind. His note-books impair his memory; his libraries overload his wit; the insurance-office increases the number of accidents; and it may be a question whether machinery does not encumber whether we have not lost by refinements some energy, by a Christianity, entrenched in establishments and forms, some vigor of wild virtue.

We kneel at the altar of information on atrophied legs. Occasionally it would behoove us to get up and walk around.

More groundbreaking news: People love porn

The real news here? Ladies, we’ve obliterated the latex ceiling.

But seriously, is that graphic blow up of a diseased snatch really necessary? And reported where, AVN? (Don’t open that at work. FYI: AVN Magazine is described by its publisher as the Bible of the adult industry.)

[via Gizmodo via 9Gag via TheNextWeb]

One-Word Review of James Cameron’s Avatar in Digital 3D

Meh.

This just in: Movies depict utopian visions

CNN reports that people are suffering depression symptoms from having to walk away from Avatar and back into the cold, heartless real world.

Really? Really? This makes me fantasize about living in Cameron’s last box office blockbuster.

(CNN) — James Cameron’s completely immersive spectacle “Avatar” may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

“I wasn’t depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ,” Baghdassarian said. “But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don’t have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed.”

A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site “Naviblue” that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ ”

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

I’ll show you feelings of disgust with the human race. Please, someone hit me with a fucking iceberg already.

News from the NY1 Gaydar

Apologies that I couldn’t pull the video, but take a listen for an amusing misuse of the word “gaydar” from a New York 1 travel report today. It comes in at 35 seconds.