Tag Archives: tv commercials

OnStar: Deploying Windbags

The Unhappy Mediator is really disappointed by our collective priorities.

 

Related: Facebook Status Reveals Humanity’s Descent Down (Storm) Drain

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Character Assassination: The State Farm Guy

In this first edition of Character Assassination, allow me to present The State Farm Guy:

I don’t know what it is about him that makes me dislike him so. He’s just so… smarmy. He makes me squirm.

I know I’m not alone. Ask Google. Or the facebook. Meet I Hate The State Farm Guy, with over 2,500 friends:

(I’d steer clear of George Jungle. Yikes.)

I can’t decide whom I hate more, him or the esurance chick. But I fear my bitterness toward that pink haired floozy could be tinged with jealousy. My antipathy toward him is at least pure. What it is about insurance companies that their marketing campaigns are so likely to be divisive? Do you know anyone who’s moderate on Flo, the Progressive rep? I guess we wouldn’t pay attention to insurance commercials otherwise. Are admen that smart?

Time(s) for the Weekend(er)

I never tire of watching 92Y’s brilliant parody of those insufferable New York Times Weekender ads. And neither will you:

It’s based on a couple TV spots in the NYTimes Weekender campaign. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to find the full version of one of them. It’s a real shame, because there’s a lot of douche to enjoy. Perhaps you remember the I’m not a call now kind of guy guy. Oh! Hate you! After the jump, the best I could do to wrangle up the referents.

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I Hate Your Body… of Work

The “I Love My Body” Victoria’s Secret campaign has been running for several months now, but I only just had the pleasure of catching one of the TV spots. You guys love your bodies, huh? Go fuck yourselves.

I know, I sound so typical, but I don’t even care. Seriously… just go fuck yourselves.

Sure, I get where you’re going: we should all love our bodies. And watching videos of supermodels explaining why they love theirs (1, 2, 3, 4) really makes me reflect on how I feel about mine. Truly inspiring, thanks. I have an idea for Vickie’s marketing staff. If you want your models to seem relateable, your next commercials should show them standing in front of the mirror pinching millimeters of belly skin and whining about their insecurities. Wow, models really are like the rest of us! That’ll make me a VS shopper for sure!

Assholes.

Guys Love Hot Lesbians and Hot Lesbians Love Corona

That is the message being sent in this new commercial from ad agency Cramer-Krasselt, right?

Reminds me of Bud Light Lime’s anal sex campaign.

It’s hard to read the fine print at the end of the spot, but I’m pretty sure it says either “Warning: Consumption of alcoholic beverages may lead to balls flying at your face” or  “Please enjoy Corona responsibly, with a dental dam.”

Turn on Your TV: These Ads Don’t Suck!

Can you figure out why I love this commercial?

If you guessed it’s because I love candy bars and making fun of iPhone apps, you win.

And so does this commercial. Indeed, it won a video contest to get on the air. I’m into these commercial contests. There’s a lot of lowest-common-denominator stagnation in the advertising world, and it’s refreshing to see some creative average joes getting a shot before they’ve been co-opted by the media machine and brainwashed to deliver formulaic tripe. For another quality product of open mic marketing, peep this freaking gem from the Super Bowl:

While I’m at it, I’mma give a shout out to this AT&T/Motorola campaign. The ads were made by pros, but I’m not aching for a seamless segue here. Basically, they’re just more current commercials that make this Unhappy Mediator momentarily happy. I am digging the meta marketing approach bigtime; make fun of your target consumer, then sell the shit out of him:
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Ah, commercialism in the digital age — there’s a sucker updated every minute.
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That’s Mr. Pizza-Face to You: Embracing geekdom now for corporate dominance later

When I saw this commercial it surprised me to find that it was a PSA for a program from Time Warner Cable. It takes a lot for me to say nice things about Time Warner (shyster assholes), but this is a much-needed message, well delivered. According to the website:

In November 2009, Time Warner Cable launched Connect a Million Minds (CAMM), a philanthropic commitment of $100 million cash and in-kind donations. This five-year program was designed to inspire students to pursue learning opportunities and careers in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM).

What do I see in the future? Well, I do hope that the US ups its STEM game in the global marketplace. But it’s disheartening to think that our bosses will have been encouraged in adolescence to nurture the chips that being a geek in high school piles on their shoulders.

Still, here’s hoping the nerds of today in fact become the innovators of tomorrow. Back up plan: train all these kids to put customers on hold for an hour.