Tag Archives: twitter

On the Colorado Dark Knight Shooting: Are You an Actor? Then Shut Up.

If you ever find yourself typing #theatershooting, stop and ask yourself: “Do I really need to be writing this?”

What happened at the midnight Dark Knight Rises showing in Aurora, CO was horrendous and sad. But you don’t need me to tell you that. You know what else you don’t need to hear? Twitter commentary from actors and hacks.

The Huffington Post, however, has a story and slideshow dedicated to just that. You’re great, John Stamos, but I don’t give a fuck what you have to say about the shooting. Hailey Glassman? I don’t know who you are: Shut up.

Far be it from me to expect editorial discretion from HuffPo, or any kind of discretion from Hollywood personalities. But just because the attack took place at a movie doesn’t make this an issue for celebrity punditry. Yes, Barack Obama should be expected to comment. Ryan Seacrest, however vital he thinks himself to be in the national consciousness, does not need to say anything. Restraint can speak louder than comment.

I know I’m asking too much. I’ll ask anyway. Won’t someone, anyone, please, just shut the fuck up?

And another thing about the Twitter

….it makes it real easy to go off message. Like really, really off message.

One Politician's Incredibly Unfortunate Tweet

Monday night, a spokesperson for California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman left a letter off the end of a bit.ly address in a campaign-related tweet. In a world of tiny urls, one letter makes all the difference. Think genetic mutation.

What Sarah Pompei’s followers were treated to wasn’t the promised endorsement by the Deputy Sheriff’s Association of San Diego County. Instead, the truncated link takes you here:

So, vote Whitman! Recommended by cross-dressing Asian pop dubbers the world over. And please, people, remember to tweet responsibly.

[Via Gizmodo]

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Tweet ‘Em

The Unhappy Mediator is unhappy to announce that No Happy Medium is now on Twitter.


Indie darlings Built to Spill once said, “I don’t like this air, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop breathing it.” If Weird Al Yankovic had done a parody, he probably would have said, “I don’t like this pear, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop eating it.”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Well, I, like Built to Spill, an imaginary incarnation of Weird Al and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (three of the biggest influences on my daily decision making), am breathing the air and eating the pear, stickers and all.

But wait, you say, how can this be? The Unhappy Mediator hates Twitter. Still true. I do hate Twitter and the ubiquitous waves of inanity emanating from it. But the site’s overwhelming popularity is a function of and party to its reach and influence; and it wouldn’t be so influential if it weren’t an inherently powerful tool to begin with. It is as a tool — that is, a marketing tool — and I intend to use it.

I will not stop making fun of Twitter, the Twitteratti, and the just-plain-Twits. I encourage you to call me out if I stray from this vow. Please view this self-interested transgression not as a defecting, but as an infiltration; I’ll be the man on the inside, ostensibly whoring for clicks, but really gathering intel and dismantling the machine from within. But mostly just whoring for clicks.

Please follow me here to keep up with the latest unhappiness.

Today’s Tweets, Tomorrow’s Textbooks

In case historical Google searches and most-watched YouTube videos weren’t enough to condemn our time as an epoch marked by frivolity and self-indulgent rot, the Library of Congress announced today that it will archive all Twitter posts since March 2006. And, yes, they announced it via tweet:

I really do shudder when I think about passing on a digital time capsule of the Internet Age. Whereas we have physically dug up stone tablets and arrowheads of civilizations before us, strong and persistent clues to the past, future humans will be downloading and deciphering every niggling, impulsive linguistic belch we’ve spewed in the new millennium. May as well Sharpie a penis on the face of humanity and call it a day.

[ars technica, via Gizmodo]

Google Game: What’s so great about…

Every era has its fascinations, zeigeists that intrigue and often confuse. The most complex or enigmatic of these will persist in popular interest as the ages progress, placing time’s most enduring allurements in fraternity with today’s spurious obsessions.

And therefore we see our fellow man searching for an explanation for the defining strengths of our great nation (or is it?), da Vinci’s beguiling brunette and the whole of Christianity, while also probing the cloud for explanations of the buzziest of current concerns: Facebook, Twitter and Twilight, for instance.

Will Avatar be our generation’s Mona Lisa? When time obscures the context in which the movie represents a monumental step forward for technology and industry, will Googlers of Christmas Future wonder what so ensnared the collective imagination? Will James Cameron’s perplexing smirk make the coming generations wonder what he knows that they don’t? Or will they be too busy downloading pictures of Robert Pattinson to care?

I’m willing to wager, in any event, that Windows 7 will be long-replaced, BluRay gone the way of the laser disc, Twitter and Faceboook reduced to prominent points on an internet time line. And the iPhone will probably be made in America — a great place for cheap labor and manufacturing outsourcing — and shipped to China.

Conversation Hearts Get Fresh Start, Still Likely to Sit on Shelf and Get Stale

I’m a word-nerd with a wicked sweet tooth, so recent changes to the classic recipe of Sweethearts, those chalky but charming confections of elocution, has got me in something of a tizzy. (Usually the tizzy comes from eating six boxes in a sitting, but I don’t do that til they go 75%-off at the drug store the week after Valentine’s Day.)

The food blog of the Chicago Tribune tells us that the attack comes on two fronts, text and taste:

First, the messages. Classic sayings were thrown out. The new top 10 list (chosen in an online contest) includes the tech-flavored as well as the return of some historic love notes:

Tweet Me, Text Me, You Rock, Soul Mate, Love Bug, Me + You, Puppy Love, Sweet Love, Sweet Pea, Love Me

Corny or cute, you decide. But what has us in a sugar-snit are the flavor changes. NECCO has been rewriting the love messages for years, but the new flavors come as a shock. Here they are, along with our decidely biased reviews:

Green apple: Too tart
Blue raspberry: What does that even mean? And, yuck.
Strawberry: Like very bad strawberry pie with that artificial goop on top.
Lemon: Tastes like Lemonheads, which we love.
Grape: Grape soda, but not our favorite.
Orange: Like Bayer Aspirin for children.

As you can imagine, the idea of a Sweetheart that says “Tweet Me” has me gagging almost as much as the Green Apple is going to. I mean, does that even make sense? Are people flirting via Twitter now? God help us.

The evolution of the conversation heart to reflect current memes (or whatever we called memes before we had that word) dates back to the early 1990s, according to Necco, when

New England Confectionery Company’s Vice President Walter Marshall decided to update the sayings each year and retire some. His first –Fax Me–created a lot of attention from Sweetheart fans. As a result, each year we receive hundreds of suggestions from romantics, candy lovers and school kids for new sayings. From old tech, “Call Me” to new tech, “E-mail Me,” Sweethearts® keep the pulse on the heartbeat of the nation.

Well this year they decided to turn copywriting over to the public, letting America tell them “how they express their love.” And again I say: God help us.

Necco also tells us that the new Sweethearts have been reformulated to be “softer and more fun to eat.” This, if nothing else, will probably come as good news to receivers of the stubborn little nuggets. But as someone who actually likes their near-tastelessness and cement consistency, and who has always gone out to get them for herself (sad on so many levels, let’s please move on), I fear this might be the worst Valentine’s Day yet.

@homealone wanting #candy

Sun’s Schwartz Tweets Larry Ellison the Finger in 5-7-5

I guess it’s official: The Internet has killed formality. Today we add another awesome resignation to the annals of unprofessionalism, and watch executive dignity go the way of the Full Sentence. In the wake of an Oracle takeover, Sun Microsystems CEO Jonathan Schwartz tweeted his way out the front door:

Of course we all must know that this is not actually how he tendered his resignation, despite BoingBoing’s assertion of such. Though, it’d be a lot cooler if he did.

[via NYT via BoingBoing.]

Not OK, Google.

There I am doing an innocent Google search for the latest on the Conan/Jay debacle when I notice results ensconced in freakin’ talk-bubble-boxes (see yellow highlighting):

Not OK, Google. If I wanted to search Twitter I would have fucking searched fucking Twitter. As if I didn’t feel had enough by this Conan craziness, now you gotta go search-resulting me comic-book style? F you, dude. Like I’d want to get my TV entertainment news from some hip hop radio station. Or this guy.  Totally lame.

Bigger picture, this is an unnerving turn in the world of internet search. That may sound dramatic. But. It’s hard enough as it is to click a credible source online without the Twitter vomit of no-name bozos appearing directly below legitimate news results — which are of questionable reliability to begin with, and yet the best we’ve got to go on. Throw a rock in the air you’re bound to hit someone stupid. Throw a query in the Cloud you’re bound to hit his latest tweet. Blerg.

NHM’s Sphere of Influence Expands, Now Includes Healthy Women

According to a source at the magazine, last Friday’s No Happy Medium feel-good video post gave the staff of Women’s Health such a giggle that they were inspired to tweet the E Trade baby outtakes clip to their Twitter followers:

womens health twitter

Never mind that they don’t acknowledge outright where they got the idea, or that No Happy Medium had absolutely nothing to do with how hilarious those commercials are in the first place. Being a journalist — or, ahem, a blogger — is all about letting the world know about the neat and wonderful things other people are doing.


In case you felt people weren’t paying quite enough attention to your weight-loss efforts, now you can auto-Tweet the progress you’re making on those jelly rolls and muffin tops. Withings, maker of a sleek iPhone-adapted body mass indexing scale have now built Twitter functionality right into their app. From a press release yesterday:

Withings is announcing Twitter integration into its first-of-its-kind WiFi Body Scale. As the world’s first WiFi connected personal weight scale, it automatically records the user’s body weight, lean & fat mass, and calculated body mass index (BMI) to their secure webpage and/or free Withings iPhone application, WiScale. Now, with this new added feature, users can set up alerts to automatically post their updates to Twitter accounts, further motivating them by sharing their progress with followers.

“This social media feature was the next logical step in the evolution of the WiFi scale for our customers,” said Cedric Hutchings, Withings General Manager. “Here at Withings we are committed to roll out new features and services on the field thanks to automatic updates. Adding this social functionality makes the WiFi scale by Withings the first true flagship of the Internet of Objects.”

I don’t know what the hell the Internet of Objects is, but apparently it includes your fat ass. Personally, if I’m going to have anyone following the state of my posterior, I’ll stick with black guys I pass on the sidewalk. They say I’m fine the way I am. No WiFi required.