Indie darlings Built to Spill once said, “I don’t like this air, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop breathing it.” If Weird Al Yankovic had done a parody, he probably would have said, “I don’t like this pear, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop eating it.”
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Well, I, like Built to Spill, an imaginary incarnation of Weird Al and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (three of the biggest influences on my daily decision making), am breathing the air and eating the pear, stickers and all.
But wait, you say, how can this be? The Unhappy Mediator hates Twitter. Still true. I do hate Twitter and the ubiquitous waves of inanity emanating from it. But the site’s overwhelming popularity is a function of and party to its reach and influence; and it wouldn’t be so influential if it weren’t an inherently powerful tool to begin with. It is as a tool — that is, a marketing tool — and I intend to use it.
I will not stop making fun of Twitter, the Twitteratti, and the just-plain-Twits. I encourage you to call me out if I stray from this vow. Please view this self-interested transgression not as a defecting, but as an infiltration; I’ll be the man on the inside, ostensibly whoring for clicks, but really gathering intel and dismantling the machine from within. But mostly just whoring for clicks.
Please follow me here to keep up with the latest unhappiness.