Category Archives: Information Stupor Highway

Idiocy on the internet.

OPEN LETTER TO: Restaurants and whoever runs their websites

Dear Restaurants and whoever runs their websites,

I do not want to read your menu in PDF.

I’d like to see what you offer. I want a sense of the price range. I need to know if there’s anything for my kosher/vegetarian/glutard friend. I don’t wish to be surprised by a sudden download, to wait for the opening of a new program on my computer, to save and attach it to an email in order to share it with my dining companion. Nor do I care if it looks better or is easier for you.

I’m not building an archive here; I’m just hungry. It’s time to 86 the PDFs.

Signed,
The Unhappy Mediator

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URL It Like It Is

While I don’t particularly like being upsold on a rental car when booking a flight (or an extra-leg-room-seat, or other bullshit perks that make buying a plane ticket online take five times as long as it should), I do kind of appreciate the blatant way Spirit goes about doing it.

The next page, incidentally, was http://www.spirit.com/make-em-pay-for-a-ticket-then-again-for-a-seat-assignment-then-again-for-even-thinking-about-bringing-a-carry-on-and once-more-to-ensure-the-plane-both-takes-off-and-lands. After that, it was just http://www.spirit.com/sucks.

[Thanks, Slo]

On the Colorado Dark Knight Shooting: Are You an Actor? Then Shut Up.

If you ever find yourself typing #theatershooting, stop and ask yourself: “Do I really need to be writing this?”

What happened at the midnight Dark Knight Rises showing in Aurora, CO was horrendous and sad. But you don’t need me to tell you that. You know what else you don’t need to hear? Twitter commentary from actors and hacks.

The Huffington Post, however, has a story and slideshow dedicated to just that. You’re great, John Stamos, but I don’t give a fuck what you have to say about the shooting. Hailey Glassman? I don’t know who you are: Shut up.

Far be it from me to expect editorial discretion from HuffPo, or any kind of discretion from Hollywood personalities. But just because the attack took place at a movie doesn’t make this an issue for celebrity punditry. Yes, Barack Obama should be expected to comment. Ryan Seacrest, however vital he thinks himself to be in the national consciousness, does not need to say anything. Restraint can speak louder than comment.

I know I’m asking too much. I’ll ask anyway. Won’t someone, anyone, please, just shut the fuck up?

So This Is What I’m Missing on Facebook

Thanks to my little bro for sending me this golden nugget from the New York Knicks’ facebook page. He tells me that the admin posted the picture below with the caption “Browse through the Knicks City Dancers Auditions gallery from this past weekend. Over 500 dancers graced The Sports Center at Chelsea Piers to compete for a spot on the 2012-13 squad.”

Fair enough. But god help me, the comments. Really, guys, blodes prefer gentlemen.


Quoth the bro: “I don’t know exactly what to make of this, but let’s just hope the age of the internet comment is coming to an end.”

Personally, I choose Oblivion.

Finally! A Hall & Oates Emergency Helpline

With all the drivel and vitriol technology spreads, it puts a real (Sara) smile on my face when I see it used for something honest and pure and good. And smooth. So, so smooth. This week, new Twilio employee Michael Selvidge, with a friend, created Callin’ Oates, the Emergency Hall & Oates Helpline. Works like this:

Call 719.26.OATES (62837)
Press 1 to hear One on One
Press 2 to hear Rich Girl
Press 3 to hear Maneater
Press 4 to hear Private Eyes

I did it (I did it, I did it, I did it), I did it in a minute and it make-a my dreams come true. Gosh, it’s refreshing — rejuvenating, even — to be so thrilled by a meme. I don’t care how much irony played into the app’s going viral; I’m just glad it got to me. It’s on my speed-dial list (I can’t resist).

Thank God for the Internet

Happy Monday, as they say. Ride hard.

 

Incongruous Cross-Promotional Banner Ad of the Day

Doris, could you order us some more legal pads, a box of blue Bics and a 16-pound bird? Thanks.