Tag Archives: comments

So This Is What I’m Missing on Facebook

Thanks to my little bro for sending me this golden nugget from the New York Knicks’ facebook page. He tells me that the admin posted the picture below with the caption “Browse through the Knicks City Dancers Auditions gallery from this past weekend. Over 500 dancers graced The Sports Center at Chelsea Piers to compete for a spot on the 2012-13 squad.”

Fair enough. But god help me, the comments. Really, guys, blodes prefer gentlemen.

Quoth the bro: “I don’t know exactly what to make of this, but let’s just hope the age of the internet comment is coming to an end.”

Personally, I choose Oblivion.

No Comment

Yeah, this tea pot featured on HazelandMare.com is awesome. Obviously. You want to leave a comment that says so? Sure. Knock yourself out. Doesn’t really get us anywhere, but always nice to hear a chorus of good cheer. But I’ll never understand what compels people to make comments like this:

Hahaha, oh this is awesome. My brother was such an A-Team fan when he was a kid. Feel better!

Who gives a fuck about your brother? How is this pertinent or enriching in any way? I wish I could regain the thousands of cumulative seconds I’ve lost reading meaningless commentary online (which is why I typically avoid comment sections all together … unless I’m really avoiding work) — don’t you, Pointless Commenter, wish you’d spent those precious moments saying something that wasn’t inane?

I don’t mean this as a personal attack. I mean it as a general attack. There’s no going back now, I recognize that. But once upon a time we spoke to each other in person and tried to avoid the vapid sputterings that brought conversation to an uncomfortable standstill. Imagine the faces of your friends when you’d say something stupid. The staring. The cough in an awkward silence. Conjure and reflect: The whole internet is staring at you. The whole internet just cleared its throat.

Oh, and not for nothing, but whose brother wasn’t really into A Team as a kid? Newsflash: No one’s.

The Peanut Gallery in Center Stage

Shakespeare said that life is a stage and we’re merely players. In today’s internetty world it’s still true to an extent, except that we’re all fools, online not onstage, and in the absence of adequate directorial control, the peanut gallery is the final word in our existential tragicomedy. Life is a screen and we’re simultaneously chorus and reviewer. Indeed, commenter may as well be lead actor the way people pour themselves into the role. It’s a theatrical cottage industry, as evidenced by things like this page on Amazon that equates funny product reviews with, well, products. Products like the Daddle toy saddle, or the Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, both of which feature lengthy, creative false testimonials that must have taken an awful long time to craft and which were posted anonymously for, well, god knows what reason. Though I wonder why one would bother (I know, ironic coming from a little-read pseudonymed blogger) I’m glad they do, because some of them are pretty witty.

And this week NY Magazine gave credit to a string of comments on a recipe (above) from Paula Deen on the Food Network blog. Like the posters on Amazon, it’s unclear what their motivations are, but I raise a can of peas to other computer snarksters  who can’t resist the urge to mock the unbowing stupidity of their terrestrial costars.

Like flaklbas who put it simply: “The recipe is complicated. The health benefits make it well worth it though.”

Just click, simmer over medium heat, salt to taste and enjoy.