Tag Archives: shakespeare

The Peanut Gallery in Center Stage

Shakespeare said that life is a stage and we’re merely players. In today’s internetty world it’s still true to an extent, except that we’re all fools, online not onstage, and in the absence of adequate directorial control, the peanut gallery is the final word in our existential tragicomedy. Life is a screen and we’re simultaneously chorus and reviewer. Indeed, commenter may as well be lead actor the way people pour themselves into the role. It’s a theatrical cottage industry, as evidenced by things like this page on Amazon that equates funny product reviews with, well, products. Products like the Daddle toy saddle, or the Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, both of which feature lengthy, creative false testimonials that must have taken an awful long time to craft and which were posted anonymously for, well, god knows what reason. Though I wonder why one would bother (I know, ironic coming from a little-read pseudonymed blogger) I’m glad they do, because some of them are pretty witty.

And this week NY Magazine gave credit to a string of comments on a recipe (above) from Paula Deen on the Food Network blog. Like the posters on Amazon, it’s unclear what their motivations are, but I raise a can of peas to other computer snarkstersĀ  who can’t resist the urge to mock the unbowing stupidity of their terrestrial costars.

Like flaklbas who put it simply: “The recipe is complicated. The health benefits make it well worth it though.”

Just click, simmer over medium heat, salt to taste and enjoy.

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Bulk Mail Bards

Not so long ago we looked at an awesome piece of spam mail that seemed acutely aimed at the Unhappy Mediator’s proclivity for the scientific. Well, yesterday I found myself once again immersed in my junk folder, and the language lover in me was struck by the inventive word choice and unusual rhythms of a handful of emails. They were downright… poetic. Indeed, the subject heads and first lines seemed to form perfect lyrical couplets. Below, a selection that would give even Chaucer a chubby. Shake William’s spear. Thaw Robert’s Frost. Make ee cummings. I’ll stop, I’ll stop.

Sad truth on your size
Potion for heroic banging

Avoid bed-loser’s fate
Love-skill increment

The night is a time to have fun in bed. Make this fun lasting!
Best girl-digging skills

Need your knob up?
Any girl will stay with you

I got a lot about you
In shape for making it?

Harder banging is real
Exploding ardor every night

Want to see her happy tears?
Don’t pay for delivery

High amour degree
Shoot your gin into her vagina

10 seconds and it’s up and firm
Confirm on receiving