Be gentle.
Over the years I’ve received my fair share of ill-targeted spam emails hawking miracle boner tonics. (I don’t possess such apparatus. And if I did, well, it would work, namsayin?) But this one, sent to the Unhappy Mediator’s civilian alter-ego is hilariously apropos:
From: <gueyajcr@stellamccartney.com>
To: gattoitalia
Sent: Sat, December 5, 2009 5:14:49 PM
Subject: Equipment for Don Juansabout graduated cylinder inside particle accelerator slyly uxorious
stalactites ball bearing
GrandImpotencyPillsLowPricess.
and starlets
Nothing gets this Don Juan turned on like talk of lab bench accoutrement, particle acceleration and geology.
No Happy Medium 
Whatever burns your bunsen.
Don’t forget about starlets.