Fucking technology. I just spammed myself. Look down.
See that post called 19 January, 2011 22:58? I didn’t write that. My email did. My blog host, WordPress, offers posting-by-email. And YahooMail has shitty security. Put those together and you get me spamming my own blog.
I broke the link so you won’t click on it and virusize yourself, but I couldn’t resist keeping the post up. Moral of the story: Fucking technology.
Not so long ago we looked at an awesome piece of spam mail that seemed acutely aimed at the Unhappy Mediator’s proclivity for the scientific. Well, yesterday I found myself once again immersed in my junk folder, and the language lover in me was struck by the inventive word choice and unusual rhythms of a handful of emails. They were downright… poetic. Indeed, the subject heads and first lines seemed to form perfect lyrical couplets. Below, a selection that would give even Chaucer a chubby. Shake William’s spear. Thaw Robert’s Frost. Make ee cummings. I’ll stop, I’ll stop.
Sad truth on your size
Potion for heroic banging
Avoid bed-loser’s fate
The night is a time to have fun in bed. Make this fun lasting!
Best girl-digging skills
Need your knob up?
Any girl will stay with you
I got a lot about you
In shape for making it?
Harder banging is real
Exploding ardor every night
Want to see her happy tears?
Don’t pay for delivery
High amour degree
Shoot your gin into her vagina
10 seconds and it’s up and firm
Confirm on receiving
Over the years I’ve received my fair share of ill-targeted spam emails hawking miracle boner tonics. (I don’t possess such apparatus. And if I did, well, it would work, namsayin?) But this one, sent to the Unhappy Mediator’s civilian alter-ego is hilariously apropos:
Sent: Sat, December 5, 2009 5:14:49 PM
Subject: Equipment for Don Juans
about graduated cylinder inside particle accelerator slyly uxorious
stalactites ball bearing
Nothing gets this Don Juan turned on like talk of lab bench accoutrement, particle acceleration and geology.