As if fathers needed any help preserving the cause of the ubiquitous “dad joke.” In this week’s Google Game we stumble upon one more argument for instituting a maximum age for internet usage: the application to date my daughter.
What’s particularly remarkable about this painfully unfunny parody is that pages and pages (and pages) of search results reveal the same document over and over again, with almost no variation. It could potentially be the Web’s most robust document. Highlights after the jump.
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If “No”, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Yes. Do explain. Explain how the traditions of decency and family values that this country was built on are being dismantled by (and probably getting AIDS from) them alternative artist-types, if you catch my drift. Hoo boy, would I love to hear this!
Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No
(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
Ladies, if your suitor sports a belly button ring, I might suggest the same reaction.
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
If I were filling out this application, I’d be summarily denied right here. My immediate thought was that “late” obviously means preggers. But other versions suggest this question is about not keeping her out past curfew. Whoops.
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? _____________
Mother? _____________
Pastor? _____________
The end of the application requires a signature from a Pastor/Priest/Rabbi. I can only imagine that the author was R-ing on the F L-ing when he typed in that goofy Jew word.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Not all copies have that last one (emphasis added), but I really think it gives the piece that special something. Don’t you?
No Happy Medium 
So Muslims need not apply.