Summer is a time for lounging in thought. Temperate climes cultivate contemplation. Clear skies clear heads. Each year, lulled into musing moods by sunshine and slower paces, I find myself at the park or the beach, surrounded by short-pantsed and swim-suited revelers of summer’s simpler pleasures, looking up toward cotton clouds and thinking, What the fuck is so much fun about flying a kite?
Seriously. Why is that fun? Evidently I’m not the only one who doesn’t get it. And you know what? Google doesn’t even have an answer to it. You know why? Because kites are fucking stupid. Yeah, OK, if you’re, like, five, anything that’s sort of like flying is cool. But other than that, kites are dumb.
Oh, and fireworks? Fucking overrated. There, I said it.
No Happy Medium 
I hate kites. You know who likes kites? Robin Colin Greene. Enough said.