I recently got a software upgrade for my piece of shit phone from Verizon. The upgrade did nothing to address the irritating little problem that causes the phone to spontaneously shut off. It did, however, randomize all my photos and change, of all things, the order of operations in predictive text. Moreover, it dissed the comma, one of my top five favorite punctuation marks.
It’s not enough that I have to unwire the muscle memory that I’ve developed using T9 for years, I’m also dealing with the conspicuous short-shrifting of the trusty comma. Once just a single “Next” press after the default period, the comma is now a full five keystrokes down the line, after the @ sign, question mark, exclamation point and hyphen, in that order.
The comma is oft unappreciated, but to be considered inferior to the @ sign and the hyphen? A second class citizen, just one step up from an ampersand? It’s a sad, sad state of affairs.
Commas make your text(s) more readable. And they make you look smarter. (Bonus!) This is a call to action, folks. Don’t forsake the comma. Keep ’em coming, please.
Now I’ll return to quietly seething. Thank you.
No Happy Medium 
My phone severely underrates the apostrophe. Usually, punctuation marks can be put in by pressing the 1 key. However, this phone doesn’t find the apostrophe “1-worthy”. Instead, I need to go through the menu, change text modes, then scroll to find it. It’s insanity (see, it’s useful, people).
What is “1-worthy”? Exclamation points, slashes, and asterisks. I never use exclamation points, slashes or asterisks.
Me neither.* It’s a @*!!%# outrage!
*except when I write like this. which is never.
stop texting, pick up the phone and call me already…
-mom