Tag Archives: social media

Dear Google, Back up off a bitch

Dear Google,

Back up off a bitch. Seriously. You’re getting to be like the creepy uncle who wants to kiss on the lips. Get out of my personal bubble already.

So here’s the back story: I’m doing a little cursory web-searching for an article I have due, when at the bottom of the page I notice this:

One of the Google guys’ newest brainsurges, Social Search results. (Ed. note: Clearly the real buzz today is Google Buzz, but that’s not pissing me off — yet — so I’m running with this. Run with me.) Basically, below the “legitimate” results Google presents me, I now get this, a section of results from people in my “social circle.” And according to the web giant, this fellow, [name redacted], is a buddy of mine, who has germane information to share. Well, I beg to differ. Not only was this entirely unhelpful, but I have no fucking clue who this guy is. And I don’t care.

I’ve done a decent job of keeping the circumference of my social circle off the internet — you know, like actually social — so the fact that Google purports to have some insight into my personal life is presumptuous at best and unnerving at second best. OK, Google, I say. I’ll play your little reindeer games. Show me whom you think my social circle encompasses.

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Analog Files: Twitter Taken Down, Tweaking Twats Take to the Streets, Titter in Micro-Pidgin

When some ingenious hacker brought the Tower of Twitter crashing down for two hours this morning, micro-bloggers, their MacBooks and iPhones rendered useless, stumbled bewildered into the streets groping blindly in the sunlight for a way to express their distress. Overheard at a Williamsburg coffee shop, a few reactions to the tweet heard round the world:

  • at anybody! can u hear me? can’t twitter! can’t feel! hold me!
  • at barista, coffee is cold, i’ll tell, people not come here!
  • twitter is down, is Iran ok?
  • Yeah, I know you’re at this coffee shop right now. I’m here, too, and I can fucking see you. Now take that noodly arm and pass me the simple syrup, douche.
  • I’ll text you.

If this hullabaloo has got you reconsidering your allegiances, let Dave show you whatfor.