Category Archives: Google Game

The weekly Google search for truth.

Google Game: Best Selling

First things first: What is the best selling Girl Scout Cookie? Want to take a guess at it? The big reveal — and the part where I get philosophical — after the jump. Continue reading

Google Game: How much should I…?

No! Bad, mommy! Bad!

If you have questions about how to take care of your newborn, or whether the kid’s within the range of normalcy, ask a doctor. Ask your mother, your neighbor, your grocer. Ask anyone with any baby-rearing experience, but for Pete’s sake ask a human.

When you talk to people — like actually, physically talk — your brain automatically makes certain judgments about the quality of information you’re getting from them. Does this person seem reliable? Does she have the background needed to speak authoritatively on the matter? Is her hygiene reflective of the kind of person I ought to take advice from?

When you’re reading online, you have to actively pose these sorts of discretionary queries, and most people don’t think to do so, or simply don’t bother. You have no idea who’s writing most of the crap that populates atop Google’s search results. It’s one thing to use unverifiable information to guide you on how much you should spend on rent or a ring, or whether you should feel good/bad/OK about your relative heft (things that, let’s face it, aren’t entirely in your control anyway). But when it comes to caring for a baby, please don’t listen to Google.

For that matter you shouldn’t be listening to me, either.

Google Game: Pudding

Well, one thing’s for damn sure: 2011 will not be the year the internet swings toward a return to innocence. Bill Cosby, if you’re reading this, please go no farther. Alt+Tab. For the love of god, Alt+Tab.

Granted, as a child there were few things that could so reliably deliver me to giggles as dessert and a well timed poot, but there is nothing endearing about a modern day combination of the two. Continue reading

Google Game: What time of…?

The theme of today’s Google Game may not be readily apparent upon first glance. It wasn’t to me. But a little rumination on this selection of seemingly disparate searches revealed that many of us are looking for very much the same thing: rebirth and renewal.

Continue reading

Google Game: What to do about…

Google grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Or maybe what we really need: The serenity to walk slower, the courage to wear bug spray and the wisdom to keep our personal shit under control.

Google Game: Videos

Honestly I don’t really know what to make of this. Why is it almost entirely in Spanish?

Even if you don’t speak-a the spanish, it’s not too hard to decipher what la gente is searching for: funny videos, adult videos, videos of captured Puerto Rican drug lord Jose David Figuera Agosto, and of New York-born Dominican band Aventura, who made their way from the Bronx, to the Lower East Side via Chico’s mural artistry, to MSG and beyond.

In fact, I think more translating is needed to figure out what the English-language searches are getting at. Um, you guys know you’re already online, right?

Google Game: Preparing

When I started this search I wasn’t prepared for such a striking contrast between issues of great import and cooking marginally exotic vegetables.

I’m certainly no expert on any of this stuff, but I’m pretty sure that for the first and the last queries Step One is the same: Bend over.