Category Archives: Information Stupor Highway

Idiocy on the internet.

Heathcare Debate Reaches New Heights: Heaven.

I invite you to take a quick journey with me. Experience something magical the way I experienced it. It started on the IM:

yokiro: am currently reading a blog post with this great bit:
“Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?”
me
: is that for real? obama is going to abort the next jesus?
yokiro
: you haven’t even heard the best part.
it was written by chuck norris.
me
: stop it.
yokiro
: http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=34841

Go ahead. Click it. It’s worth it. But let me comment on a couple of my most favoritest parts:

In short, while President Obama was accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn.

Hold the phones! Through the womb of the unborn? Now even the unborn can have abortions? That’s an outrage! (And impressive!)

Washington certainly has reached a new low by forcing American citizens who oppose abortion to pay for abortions via their taxes in this massively comprehensive way. Is it intentionally trying to spark the next Boston Tea Party? When our greatest values are thrown under the omnibus, how do they expect us to respond?

Um, apparently by throwing aborted fetuses into rivers?

Tell your representative and senators to quit fast-tracking these momentous bills without periods for debate and during secret sessions on weekends, when America is least attentive.

For that matter, don’t do it during Giants games either. Or when NCIS is on. Or when my wife is talking – blah blah blah – I just totally tune out.

It needs to reopen the pages of its history to our Founders’ elevated views of and rights for all human beings (including those in the womb), as documented in the Declaration of Independence and our Constitution.

(But excluding the blacks, natch.)

Don’t miss my Christmas column next week, titled “Away With the Manger,” about how the feds are whitewashing America’s Judeo-Christian heritage via a progressive, politically correct and pro-Muslim platform.

Oh, you better believe I’ll be there, buddy. Chuck Norris isn’t delivering blows to Islam, Islam is kneeling down and ramming its head into Chuck Norris’s fist.

This Week’s Top Nerd-mail

Gold Star!

I get a healthy handful of emails from tech companies and PR agencies with some pretty lame-sounding subject lines in my in-box each week — Large Display Industry Snapshot 2009, Interactive Toy Concepts at CES 2010 and WOORYWOOS TAKE OVER TV, to name a few from the last couple days. But then I get one like this that’s so over-the-top geektastic and it makes all the others fade away:

Futron! Space Competitiveness! Webinar! A veritable cavalcade of scitech buzzwordiness. I don’t even care what it means — sign me up.

Philly Wants to Take You Out (And Pet You. Or Kill You. Or Both.)

If your handwriting says a lot about you, then what does this choice of font on GoPhila.com, the official visitors’ site for the greater Philadelphia area, say about the City of Brotherly Love?

Well, since we know the city was founded a few centuries ago, it’s safe to say this is not the chicken scratch of a child. Thus, it remains to be reasoned that Philadelphia is

a. “special”

or

b. psychotic, and possibly dangerous.

Neither bodes well for your winter vacation. If Philly ever tries to stroke your shiny hair, don’t let it.

[Thanks, Terry]

Bearded Moms Trade Rap Sheets for Diplomas

While we’re on the subject of discomfiting banner ads for Obama-backed funding…

For starters: your mom’s a dude. And she’s got a kickin’ beard. Also, she’s a felon and her mug shot is circulating on the internet.  Oh, and she makes more money than you do.

Jesus Saves (on Car Insurance)!

Click to enlarge, see ad at right:

Actually, I was wondering how a guy like you turns water into wine and heals lepers, but sure, I guess saving money on car insurance is kind of impressive. Give a man a lower premium and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fill out short forms…

[Thanks, Paul. “You’re Jesus. You deserve it.”]

Must-Read Email for Flaccid PhDs

Be gentle.

Over the years I’ve received my fair share of ill-targeted spam emails hawking miracle boner tonics. (I don’t possess such apparatus. And if I did, well, it would work, namsayin?) But this one, sent to the Unhappy Mediator’s civilian alter-ego is hilariously apropos:

From: <gueyajcr@stellamccartney.com>
To: gattoitalia
Sent: Sat, December 5, 2009 5:14:49 PM
Subject: Equipment for Don Juans

about graduated cylinder inside particle accelerator slyly uxorious
stalactites ball bearing
GrandImpotencyPillsLowPricess.
and starlets

Nothing gets this Don Juan turned on like talk of lab bench accoutrement, particle acceleration and geology.

You know your favorite band is getting old when…

…you’re reading about one of The Pixies’ awesome Doolittle reunion shows and you see this photo:

and this comment:

Sing with me. With your feet on the air and your nest egg in a diversified portfolio…

 

[Ed. note to purists: They played Where Is My Mind as an encore.]

Closed Captioning for YouTube Brought to You by Google

The New York Times today reports that

In the first major step toward making millions of videos on YouTube accessible to deaf and hearing-impaired people, Google unveiled new technologies on Thursday that will automatically bring text captions to many videos on the site.

According to the article, Google’s speech recognition technology, already used in applications such as its voice-to-text phone message service, initially will be applied to largely educational video channels on the YouTube, such as PBS, National Geographic and university stations. Another version of it will be available to regular users, giving them the option of having YouTube caption their videos for them, auto-generating transcripts from the audio.

While aimed at making online videos more accessible to the aurally-challenged, the technology will also be a revelation for the rest of us who want to bask ever more thoroughly in the glow of humanity’s radiant stupidity. Did she just say, “could be a crack head that got hold to the wrong stuff”? Let’s go to the transcript for confirmation. (Yes. I am getting word that, yes, that is what she said.)

Furthermore, imagine the far out search implications. Forget hoping someone’s typed out and time-logged choice quotes from the latest Family Guy (06:24: “I did some poos, I did some poos, I didn’t  mean to.”), or straining to recall in which chapter R. Kelly sings “I thought your name was Mary/ That’s what you said at the party/ Man, this is getting scary/ I’m gonna shoot somebody.” Uploaded videos will be automatically tagged with text files, unleashing a deluge of previously untap-able search reserves. It’s the web’s next logical step, really.

And you thought you spent a lot of time on the computer now.

May I Help You? [instructional videos for being kind of a dick]

A quick and easy way to stir things up a little. Fuck with someone, but nice-like:

The idea is one of 97 “tiny acts of rebellion” courtesy Rich Fulcher, a comedian who has played multiple roles on The Mighty Boosh, that weird British show you think you heard about but have never seen. Worth a go. (The Boosh and the TAR.)

NHM’s Sphere of Influence Expands, Now Includes Healthy Women

According to a source at the magazine, last Friday’s No Happy Medium feel-good video post gave the staff of Women’s Health such a giggle that they were inspired to tweet the E Trade baby outtakes clip to their Twitter followers:

womens health twitter

Never mind that they don’t acknowledge outright where they got the idea, or that No Happy Medium had absolutely nothing to do with how hilarious those commercials are in the first place. Being a journalist — or, ahem, a blogger — is all about letting the world know about the neat and wonderful things other people are doing.