Category Archives: Information Stupor Highway

Idiocy on the internet.

Chatspeak Shows No Effect on Spelling, May Improve Haikus

Child development researchers at the University of Alberta reported last week that using common text and IM abbreviations, or “chatspeak,” does not affect kids’ spelling aptitude. My first reaction to the results was dismay. I wanted proof that today’s youth are getting dumber. Dumber, at least, than the youth of, well, my youth. But upon reflection, and with all due respect to the intentions of the study, I think the premise is fundamentally misaligned.

I’ve maligned the overuse of AOLanguage for years, and its epidemic penetration never ceases to annoy. Although it may well reinforce already established bad habits, digital lingo has very little to do with standard spoken and formal written English. It’s a dialect unto itself. Kids likely don’t think that writing a text and taking a spelling test are in any way related. And really, they aren’t. Sure, children might write “UR” instead of “your,” but make them memorize how to spell “definite” and “maintenance” and they’re going to do it. Similarly, they’ll read To Kill a Mockingbird for class, but on their own it’s all Tiger Beat and Mad Magazine. (Kids still read that stuff, don’t they?)

What’s troubling in the wide view is that people use messenger and text and facebook walls as communicative crutches. Not just the youngins; we grown-ups are just as guilty. Social interactions take places less and less frequently in social settings and more and more often in social networks, and our face-to-face muscles are withering in atrophy. I have come to wonder, for instance, how exactly people go from being friends-of-friends to dating without first connecting on facebook (or at least without a little facebook stalking), which is particularly disturbing given the fact that I’m not on the facebook.

According to the university press release,

[Authors Connie Varnhagen and Nicole Pugh] both agree that the results of their study should ease some concerns and even open up discussion on how this language can be perhaps be embraced within an educational or academic context.

“If you want students to think very precisely and concisely and be able to express themselves, it might be interesting to have them create instant messages with ideas, maybe allow them opportunities to use more of this new dialect in brief reports or fun activities,” said Varnhagen.

Thought-provoking idea, but here’s another one. Instead of encouraging malleable young minds to regard IMs as vehicles for academic thought, perhaps it’d be better to set aside cell phones and 140-character limits and make them practice actually talking to people. Like, with their mouths.

Correction: Rapper-Terrorists Drop Neither Beats Nor Bombs

In yet another example of the foreign media unable to tell the difference between nonsense and news, Germany’s national news wire was taken for a ride yesterday by a merry band of movie makers and fake rappers. Behold:

Here’s what DPA, Germany’s national news wire reported this past September 11th:

A terrorist attack occurred in the city of Bluewater, California. The suicide bombers were German rappers, the “Berlin Boys”.

A half hour later DPA issued a correction: there had been no bombing. The “Berlin Boys” are not a rap group. The city of Bluewater does not exist.

It was all an elaborate publicity stunt to promote the satirical German film Short Cut to Hollywood. Filmmaker Jan Henrik Stahlberg and his team fooled their entire nation by creating fake websites and videos:

Here’s the fake city of Bluewater (link).

Here’s the fake local Bluewater news station, KVPK (link).

And here are the “Berlin Boys” with their club hit “Hass”:

Story from Boing Boing. More info at Wired.

What Would Matt Damon Do? Find Out Now!

What do you get when you put Al Gore, Tim Geithner and Matt Damon together? The obvious answer: The makings of a killer “are in an airplane with one parachute” joke.

The real answer: One third of the roster of illustrious individuals subjected to open questioning by Internetters as part of Digg.com’s year-old Dialogg series. Also on the list are the Governator, Richard Branson, Trent Reznor and Nancy Pelosi.

Continue reading

Tabbed Browsing, Unlimited Storage, Dripping with Charisma [UPDATED]

Forget the nameless, faceless error messages of yore. Today’s Internet has a personality — and it’s cool. This morning, my sister ran into a minor snafu with the aw-shucksily contrite Mozilla Firefox…

mozilla

…while I received a note from Gmail above my inbox that started “Hey! This is important.” And honestly, I would not have read it had it not contained such a preface. I think that if my life were a sitcom, my webmail would be the witty, sarcastic next door neighbor. Gmail is my Chandler.

Update, Sept 30, 2009:

Not to be outdone in cleverness and adorability, my blog host, WordPress, recently served up this quippy gem:

wordpress clip

Spread for Ted

The TED talks website is one of those rare, shining examples of the veritable good the Internet can bring: Intelligent — and quick — speeches, from intelligent — and often quick-witted — people. Definitely take some time to mouse around it if you’re unfamiliar (or re-check it out if you’ve been there before). Boing Boing posted this brilliant spreadsheet put up by the ubergeeks at Economists Do It with Models. Sortable by date, conference, or speaker’s first name, what it lacks in aesthetics it more than compensates for in elegant organization of hours upon hours of eminently worthwhile commentary on science, technology, entertainment and more. (The site itself sorts talks by topic as well as by most jaw-dropping, persuasive, ingenious, beautiful, funny….)

Take some time to browse the spreadsheet. You might be inspired to dive into one of the talks — and you’ll look like you’re doing work in the meantime.

Facebook Status Reveals Humanity’s Descent Down (Storm) Drain

Janey Collins is digitally debunking Darwinism

Janey Collins is digitally debunking Darwinism

A recent news story: Two Australian girls, ages 10 and 12, were lost in a storm drain. Rather than use their phones to call for help, they changed their facebook statuses. A friend saw the message and called emergency services.

You’d think I’d go off on the runaway oversaturation of facebook in daily life. No, I’m going to turn this on families, the original social network. You might not be able to control what your jittery tweens do online, but it’s still your responsibility to impart common sense lessons for the real world. Like how to dial 911, or 116 or whatever they have down there.

Open letter to parents: Do your fucking job, wouldja?

[via ABC News]

What Your Emails Really Say

Gmail was, once upon a time, an invite-only cool kids’ club of early adopters. Today, it is unquestionably the standard for today’s 20- and 30-somethings: personal email for the professionals, and professional email for the pseudo-professionals/freelancers/artists/perennially-unemployed/web-trepreneurs. “Very late-twenties,” as my friend recently put it.

email clipart

But not so long ago there was no Gmail. There was Hotmail. And YahooMail. And before that AOL. Tracing the evolution is like looking at the rings of a tree, or geological strata. The earliest ancestors have died off: you shan’t be receiving anything from the fossils of Prodigy or Eudora. Still, the old guard is adapting, trying to keep up with the cutting edge in electronic letter-writing. Where you stand in the fray may represent as much about you as the clothes you wear, or whether you order hoagies, heroes or subs.

Continue reading

Tyler Perry’s Next Bad Thing

Oh, Tyler Perry, you make it too damn easy. So his new movie is coming out next month. Its title speaks volumes. Because it’s volumes fucking long. I Can Do Bad All By Myself. Pretty catchy, right?

So what’s the perfect website for a movie with a title that’s seven words long? ICanDoBadAllByMyselfMovie.com? No. It’s so much better than that.

ICanDoBadMovie.com

Yes, Mr. Perry, yes you can. You can do bad movie. You seem to do bad movie every four to six weeks. Most people can’t even get a bad haircut with that frequency.

To be clear, I haven’t seen any preview screening of this highly anticipated film. But I have read the synopsis. And it’s brilliantly dreadful. Try to keep up.

When Madea catches sixteen-year-old Jennifer and her two younger brothers looting her home, she decides to take matters into her own hands and delivers the young delinquents to the only relative they have: their aunt April. A heavy-drinking nightclub singer who lives off of Raymond, her married boyfriend, April wants nothing to do with the kids. But her attitude begins to change when Sandino, a handsome Mexican immigrant looking for work, moves into April’s basement room. Making amends for his own troubled past, Sandino challenges April to open her heart. And April soon realizes she must make the biggest choice of her life: between her old ways with Raymond and the new possibilities of family, faith … and even true love.

If you dare to IMDb, be aware that this is the second T-Per release called I Can Do Bad All By Myself. In 2002 a DVD came out of the original stage version of ICDBABM. Don’t worry, apparently you can see both and get two completely different stories. At least he kept the ellipses…

Playwright Tyler Perry plays Madea, the matriarch in this filmed version of Perry’s hit play. Madea’s niece, Vianne, has been handed a curve ball by life: Her husband seems ready to flee the marriage, and little does she know that he’s actually seeing her sister. When Madea falls ill, the secrets surface, tearing everyone apart. Vianne’s faith tells her to accept the chain of events and move on, but letting go isn’t easy. …

Seriously, Tyler Perry, you’re just making it way too easy. It’s not even fun anymore.

Continue reading

Introducing The Google Game

google_logoGoogle is smart. And Google knows what you’re thinking. Soon you’ll be able to let Google do the thinking for you, but for now all it can do is help.

If you’re searching for Girl Drink Drunk, the classically hilarious Kids in the Hall sketch, it guesses your goal in two words. Or say you query “The Redhead” (in quest of Frank Bruni’s last review), Google lets you know that Google knows you’re referring to the restaurant in NYC.

Despite the eerie sensation of encroaching omniscience, Google’s search suggestions are still little more than a reflection of what we, conductors of the rumbling search engine, most often seek. The site itself explains – vaguely – that “as you type, Google Suggest communicates with Google and comes back with the suggestions we show….suggestions are drawn from…searches done by users all over the world, sites in our search index, and ads in our advertising network.” If you’re signed into your Google account and/or have your web history enabled, it also factors in your own sordid search past.

So what are we searching for? To answer the question I bring you the first weekly installment of the Google Game.  Easier than Go Fish, and much more revealing: I type a word or incomplete phrase into the Google search bar and report back Google’s suggestions. Then we ruminate on our collective shame.

After the jump, Google Game Round 1.

Continue reading

Video Cool on Own Merits, Not Just Because It References the 80s

“8-Bit Trip” is leagues better than your average multimedia genuflection to 80s pop culture.  Ignore the guy’s too-ironic-for-school ensemble in the first few seconds and enjoy one of history’s most impressive Lego feats (1,500 hours of work, according to the artists). If you like any or all of the following — Lego, stop animation, Nintendo, Atari, synth, awesome — and are not epileptic, you absolutely must check out this video homage to a bygone era by composer Daniel Larsson and animator Tomas Redigh, together Sweden’s Rymdreglage.

The ninjas Kung Fu fighters freakin’ kill me. And the new perspective on Pac-Man? Enlightened, enlightening.

But my number one takeaway: I no longer want to donate my body to science. Please entomb me in a Manda-shaped Lego sarcophagus.