While we’re on the subject of discomfiting banner ads for Obama-backed funding…
For starters: your mom’s a dude. And she’s got a kickin’ beard. Also, she’s a felon and her mug shot is circulating on the internet. Oh, and she makes more money than you do.
Click to enlarge, see ad at right:
Actually, I was wondering how a guy like you turns water into wine and heals lepers, but sure, I guess saving money on car insurance is kind of impressive. Give a man a lower premium and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fill out short forms…
[Thanks, Paul. “You’re Jesus. You deserve it.”]
Posted in Information Stupor Highway, Shoot the Messenger
Tagged car insurance, jesus, saver, savior, web ads
More bad news for the single ladies, courtesy Broadview (née Brinks) home security: Dating will get you raped and killed. Fortunately for just $99 you can get a home security system to protect you from the predatory attacks you’re asking for by wearing that. For extra safety, try these three tips from the company’s TV campaign.
1. Don’t go on a first date:
2. Don’t ever break up with anyone:
3. In fact, don’t even talk to men:
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged brinks, broadview security, dating, rape, tv commercials
If you’re into college football then you probably already know that the Bowl Championship Series isn’t a fan favorite by a long shot. Now the much maligned gridiron matchmakers have hired former Bush Press Secretary Ari Fleischer’s PR Firm:
Ari Fleischer Communications, a sports public relations firm headed by the former press secretary for President George W. Bush, has been hired by BCS officials to help remodel the tattered image of college football’s postseason system.
I don’t know the first thing about college football. Certainly Fleischer’s got ample experience as a blocker of bad publicity. What I want to know is: Does this constitute a step down for him, or a step up?
Verizon did a bang up job with its There’s a Map for That commercials, lambasting AT&T’s shitty nationwide 3G coverage. So the latter, naturally, sued to get the ads off the air, on the grounds that they mislead the viewer into thinking that if you’re not in a 3G zone you can’t get any service at all. Nice try, but no cigar. Engadget this week commented on Verizon legal’s nanny-nanny-boo-boo rejoinder:
Sure, Verizon’s doubled down on the 3G map ads in response to AT&T’s false advertising lawsuit, but eventually the company’s lawyers had to file a response and, well, ain’t nobody backing down in this one. Here’s the freaking introduction:
AT&T did not file this lawsuit because Verizon’s “There’s A Map For That” advertisements are untrue; AT&T sued because Verizon’s ads are true and the truth hurts.Yeah. It’s gonna be like that. Verizon goes on to argue that even AT&T concedes the maps are accurate, and that pulling any of the ads off the air without proof that they’re misleading consumers would be unfair, and that at the very least both parties need time to investigate further. Honestly? We’ve read it over a couple times now and while the legal arguments are certainly interesting, it’s hard not to get the impression that Verizon drafted this response with publication in mind — check out this quote:
In the final analysis, AT&T seeks emergency relief because Verizon’s side-by-side, apples-to-apples comparison of its own 3G coverage with AT&T’s confirms what the marketplace has been saying for months: AT&T failed to invest adequately in the necessary infrastructure to expand its 3G coverage to support its growth in smartphone business, and the usefulness of its service to smartphone users has suffered accordingly.See what we mean?
Booya. Pretty entertaining stuff. Maybe they should put their lawyers on their next ad campaign. Of course, their money might be better spent making phones that can utilize Verizon’s extensive 3G coverage, without sucking. Cue the Droid.
Posted in Gadgeteering, Shoot the Messenger
Tagged at&t, droid, iphone, there's a map for that, tv commercials, verizon
On the basic premise of Coke’s hook-and-eye bus shelter ads, I’ve got to agree with Jesus Diaz at Gizmodo:
I don’t know what Coca-Cola was thinking when they used these ads to promote their Grip Bottle in bus stops. They are made with velcro, so if you lean or get anywhere near them wearing woolly cloths, you’d get stuck.
The ads were designed to highlight the better grip the new bottles offer. They placed them in bus stop shelters in Paris, ready to rip cashmere sweaters and expensive clothes. But instead of hating them, the French bought 3.8% more of their sugar water.
What I want to see is an image of one of these ads after a week of being there. I can imagine giant balls of dust with cats and drunk people inside.
But “cashmere sweaters and expensive clothes”? Come on, everybody knows rich people don’t take the bus.
In fact, I venture that the 3.8% sales boost came from wealthy folk who delighted in the sight of destitute commuters hung by their velcro-ed scarves while trying to get to their menial jobs.
It was after midnight on a recent Friday in midtown. Blinding white lights and the crackle of walkie talkied banter heralded another of the thousands of film and photo shoots that take place around the city. Four lithe female figures stood backlit on an empty stretch of Manhattan’s tony 5th Avenue. Sex and the City promos, perhaps. Maybe some Gossip Girl shenanigans. Oh, if only.
Alas. No 80s male fantasy humor. No Kim Cattrall.
In fact, it was the Old Navy Modelquins. Which means that, yes, there are more of those insufferable commercials on the way. If you’re wondering what asshole agency is responsible for these advert abominations, it’s none other than Crispin Porter + Bogusky, the geniuses behind Microsoft’s brilliant Windows 7 ads. What happened, fellas? Is annoying the new black in the advertising world?
At least the Gap subsidiary itself has some respect for the days when the brand had some style — at least as far as its marketing went. For its 15 year anniversary Old Navy has created a series of commemorative sundries featuring the prominently bespectacled “Old Navy Lady,” Carrie Donovan. She, often accompanied by her TV dog, Magic, starred in over 40 Old Navy commercials between 1997 and 2000, according to the New York Times.
The spots were quirky, cheeky nods at fashion and celebrity culture, campy send-ups in a pop-art pastiche. Donovan, a former fashion editor, though not a household name by a long shot, portrayed the fashionista-tastemaker archetype with such perfection — a seemingly impossible blend between subtle and over the top — that she became an immediately recognizable icon even to those to whom her trademark oversize black-rimmed glasses were a novelty.
So well-conceived were the ads that they garnered cameos from a bevy of TV stars. Past their primes, true, but isn’t that crucial to the joke? Recall these two gems (and please forgive the poor quality). Can you spot the famous faces?
Donovan, sadly, passed away several years ago, so there’s no hope for a return of the campaign. Perhaps more depressing, though, is that being inanimate, the Modelquins will never die.
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged carrie donovan, crispin porter, modelquins, old navy, tv commercials
Hows about a little free association on this fine Thursday morning? What do you think of when you see this word?
SandSac
Go ahead. Whatever comes to mind. Scrotal adhesion on a sultry desert day? Yeah, that’s typically what I get, too.
You see, I’ve been getting press releases from representatives of SandSac for a while, and each time I do I think it’s porno spam. But actually, it’s a beach toy, a foldable canvas pail-tote-hybrid. Behold:
Far be it from me to quibble with market research that says there’s a hole for this product to fill. But who focus grouped the name? I think it should be a rule of thumb that “Sac” be kept out of branding materials, universally, wholesale. It’s never really necessary — so many synonyms! — and always at least a little gross. Like moist.
Other words for the marketing moratorium? Let us hear your thoughts on words that’d make you barf before they’d make you buy.
Schwartzman is not my favorite part of this show. But you don't care. Nor should you.
HBO’s new series Bored to Death has a lot going for it. Well, it’s got Zach Galifianakis and Ted Danson, who, in the latest episode, was described by his erudite gay male escort as “a buff Samuel Beckett.” But don’t take my word for it. I write in full sentences and sometimes put my name on things. Who needs capitalized letters muddying up their opinions, anyway?
Bucking the long held tradition of quoting snippets of reviews from cited journalistic sources, HBO is now running a promo for the show that features mini-reviews from Twitter users (op-tweets?). The chosen three:
instant fave.
-@plectrude
i heart jason schwartzman!
-@buckygunts
i think i’ve found my new favorite show.
-@dazreil
Whose fave is the show, instantly? Plectrude, according to Twitter and her Blogger profile, is a “media junkie” in Romania who finds that “sometimes, society makes sick, and other times it intimidates me.” She is also 23 years old and a Libra.
And is it really Bucky Gunts, 19-time Emmy Award-winning sports director, who has a crush on Jason Schwartzman? Perhaps, if he puts 29-year-old casting assistant Christi Webb in charge of his Tweetage. (But, given the content, I doubt it.)
The other Twit who considers Bored to Death his favorite show is Daryl Smith, a self-diagnosed ADD “info junkie” (different from a media junkie – check the DSM IV) with a Tumblr account.
Out of context exclamations like “Spectacular!” and “Witty!” mean little enough when credited to well known and respected publications with established reviewers on staff. The changing whims of someone micro-blogging under a pseudonym — a nome de tweet, if you’re feeling fancy — have no place in official HBO marketing materials. The fact that Webb helped cast Christina Applegate’s sitcom, Samantha Who?, or that Dazreil follows Jon Favreau does not make them Hollywood authorities.
To be clear, I’m not trying to attack these individuals. (OK, maybe a little.) As a matter of fact, a cursory review of Mr. Smith’s posts shows he and I might share some musical tastes, and as I am also the author of an unedited and advertiser-less media blog, I come from a place of understanding.
What I don’t understand is why HBO promotional execs thought it would be compelling to potential new viewers to read the 140-character-or-less recommendations of three anonymous schmos. I imagine the reasoning went something like this:
Newspapers = dinosaurs. Twitter = cutting edge. Cutting edge = young audiences. Twitter reviews = ratings gold!
Maybe this is a sign that we need to put an age maximum on the Internet.
Media-and-fast food cross promotions, like the ubiquitous movie-themed Happy Meal toys at McDonald’s, are typically pedestrian, pointless, and rarely warrant much attention — notwithstanding my curmudgeonly paranoid perception that the pairings represent a sinister alliance between the megaconglomerates that control the crap we eat and the crap we watch. This new one, however, is an exception. If you’ve yet to be introduced, meet Domo-kun, a furry, four-cornered mascot of Japan’s NHK broadcasting company.
In a six week promo stretching into the middle of November, Domo will be gracing coffee cups, hot dog boxes and Slurpee Big Gulps at 7-Eleven.
photos: eat me daily
I plan to steal a sleeve of them coffee cups. They slay me. Also on tap, furry Domo straw buddies in what appear to be rocker, raver, rapper and Mexican wrestler varieties:
I’m freakin kvelling over here. In the nearly 5 years since they restarted the chain in Manhattan I’ve never entered a 7-Eleven store. Time to find the nearest one. You win this time, convenience chain. I am powerless against your hug-ably iconic marketing scheme. Or, as Slurpee marketing manager Evan Brody put it to Brand Week, I guess I’m just a sucker for “crazy Japanese shit.”
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged 7-Eleven, cross promotions, domo, domo-kun, NHK, slurpees
No Happy Medium 