Monthly Archives: September 2009

Unhappy On On Langage On Un-Language

This weekend’s New York Times Magazine On Language column, written by Ben Zimmer (in for Sir Safire) looks at what Zimmer calls “the age of undoing,” the preponderance of backformed words created by tacking a convenient un- to the front of everything.

The article begins:

“What’s done cannot be undone,” moaned Lady Macbeth in her famous sleepwalking scene. If she woke up in the 21st century, she would be pleased to discover that whatever can be done can be undone, too.

Or perhaps it just seems that way in the new social spaces we are carving for ourselves online. On popular Web sites devoted to social networking, innovative verbs have been springing up to describe equally innovative forms of interaction: you can friend someone on Facebook; follow a fellow user on Twitter; or favorite a video on YouTube. Change your mind? You can just as easily unfriend, unfollow or unfavorite with a click of the mouse.

The recent un- trend has also seeped into the world of advertising. KFC is marketing its new Kentucky Grilled Chicken with the tagline “UNthink: Taste the UNfried Side of KFC.” The cellphone company MetroPCS challenges you to “Unlimit Yourself,” while its competitor Boost Mobile wants you to get “UNoverage’D” and “UNcontract’D” (ridding yourself of burdensome overage fees and contracts). Even victims of the financial downturn can seek solace in un-: ABC broadcast a special report in May telling viewers how to get “Un-Broke.”

It goes on to trace the un-ing of words back to some linguistic genesis, one rooted largely in the electronic world. Forsooth, there once was a time when the “Undo” command was novel. But what interests me more than their digital-etymological rise are the cultural connotations of these words, and what they signify beyond their definitions.

Take, first, Zimmer’s advertising and ABC examples: UNfried, UNlimit, UNoverage’D, UNcontract’D and Un-Broke. What I see here is more than clever marketing, but the display of a pervading sense of dissatisfaction. Typically, branding serves consumers (that’s us) with aspirational images. Beer will make you cool and popular, makeup will make you beautiful, etcetera, ad infinitum. Buy this, become better. But these un- slogans are not about becoming what you want; they’re about un-becoming what you are and wish you weren’t.

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Mantys for Your Putts

mantysEngadget featured this golf-course transporter. Who even cares how dumb the product is, or how dumb you’d look riding one down the fairway? What I want to know is: Who the fuck’s idea was it to name the thing Mantys?

mantys manties

Mantys: Never lose track of your balls again.

Google Game: Problem(s)

A wise woman of the cloth once asked, how do you solve a problem like Maria?  And as the story goes, there were in fact many problems, including, but not limited to:

  • Climbs a tree, scrapes knee
  • Underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair
  • Always late for everything, except every meal
  • Could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
  • Is a riddle, a child, a flibbertigibbet

While my understanding is that the convention of WWII Austria was to express your cares through song, the mother of a modern abbey might kneel at the altar of information and query Google, “Problems with uppity nun.” Because that’s what we do now. We consult the higher power that is The Net.

Today the Unhappy Mediator wonders, just what is our problem? That, as it turns out, is a rather different question from, what are our problems?
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Keeps Your Hands Free to Pen Shoddy Copy!

Forget the hype. I don’t want to wax philosophical on the troubling societal implications of Snuggie’s ascendancy to national renown. I’d just like to take a quick red-pen look at this magazine ad:

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I’m confused. Is this, perhaps, meant to say “Get Your Snuggie On”? Shouldn’t it? I’m just sayin.

I mean, those people look like they’re getting their Snuggie(s) on, don’t they? (Whatever that means.) I guess it could just be telling the reader to put on his Snuggie like a mother telling a kid to put on his coat. Though my mom probably would have said, “get your coat on” rather than “get on your coat.” Maybe it’s an instruction to get onto your Snuggie. Sit on it. Mount it. Ew, I’m done with this line of reasoning.

So, is this clever, or just awkward? Well if that isn’t the crux of the Snuggie itself.

Star Rises, Credit Score Hovers, Hope for the Future Plummets

Can’t stand ‘em, can’t help by sing along with ‘em, want to kill ‘em or fuck ‘em or both, there’s sadly no denying the thoroughness with which the freecreditreport.com guys have permeated the pop culture bubble. The latest commercial features faux frontman Eric Violette getting stuck with a crappy cell phone as a result of his crappy credit. I’ll pretend it didn’t occur to me that the slick 80s brick with the Gordon Gekko/Zach Morris pedigree doesn’t appeal to a certain late-twenties-probably-broke-ish demographic. But I barely had time to consider the fact, as I was quickly distracted by how long the singer’s hair has gotten.

Like he thinks he’s some kind of rock star. Like he is some kind of rock star. Oh my god, is this guy some kind of rock star?

  • You recognize his face immediately.
  • You know the lyrics to his songs.
  • You know the order in which those songs were released (more or less).
  • You have strong feelings one way or another about him and them and…

sing along

or

change the channel…

quickly and quietly

or

while spitting expletive-laden vitriol about how much you hate these fucking commercials and these fucking songs and that fucking guy.

An iconic singer who compels a whole country to react, and to feel. Rings suspiciously of rock stardom to me. Shudder.

You might be thinking, “Oh please, we can tell the difference between a rock star and some TV-ad hack.” Maybe you can, but think of the children.

For the love of all things holy. For the future of this great nation. Think of the children.

Correction: Rapper-Terrorists Drop Neither Beats Nor Bombs

In yet another example of the foreign media unable to tell the difference between nonsense and news, Germany’s national news wire was taken for a ride yesterday by a merry band of movie makers and fake rappers. Behold:

Here’s what DPA, Germany’s national news wire reported this past September 11th:

A terrorist attack occurred in the city of Bluewater, California. The suicide bombers were German rappers, the “Berlin Boys”.

A half hour later DPA issued a correction: there had been no bombing. The “Berlin Boys” are not a rap group. The city of Bluewater does not exist.

It was all an elaborate publicity stunt to promote the satirical German film Short Cut to Hollywood. Filmmaker Jan Henrik Stahlberg and his team fooled their entire nation by creating fake websites and videos:

Here’s the fake city of Bluewater (link).

Here’s the fake local Bluewater news station, KVPK (link).

And here are the “Berlin Boys” with their club hit “Hass”:

Story from Boing Boing. More info at Wired.

Punctuation Mark’s Aren’t Toy’s

In light of the recent post on rules of writing, how about some real life examples of what not to do?

We’ve all seen our fair share of misplaced apostrophes hanging around in plural words, like this one, here, on a note in my apartment building:

apologies if you see these words instead of a picture. wordpress is fucking with us all.

(I see another resident has his eyes on proofreading, a kindred word nerd in Alphabet City.) But this one spotted in Williamburg, BK, is truly creative in its positioning:

downsized 0916091729

I’ve seen “your” for “you’re” and vice versa. But the “you’r” iteration is new to me. Clever, no?

Now allow me to pass the mic to Drew, author of my favorite web comic, toothpastefordinner.com

(This ones a shirt!)

www.toothpastefordinner.com

Yabba Dabba Doo You Have A Light?

Recent news reports say that in his latest crack-down Bloomberg is aiming to ban smoking in all NYC parks. OK, so to review: we’ve got a commie president, and a fascist New York mayor looking for a third term, which I assume will be when he solidifies, once and for all, his despot foothold. I’m overwhelmed here.

With all the tumult and terror and finger-wagging going on around us, I’d like to take you back to a simpler time. A time when men were men, and women stayed home and made dinner. When prehistoric birds opened your beer for you, and popular cartoon characters smoked with abandon. Here, a montage of sponsor clips from the original Flintstones, brought to you by Winston Cigarettes.

[Found the clip while perusing this worth-a-gander post from Slashfood.com.]

Google Game: Butt (and other words you shouldn’t say)

Being of a sophisticated and inquisitive nature, I decided today to Google search for “Butt.” As I finished the word the typical list of suggestions appeared:

But then, when I hit the spacebar, they all vanished. I tried again. And again, the same thing. No-space gave me butterfly tattoos and buttons. Space gave me bupkis. I wondered, “Is Google trying to tell me something?” I was no longer seeking mere search results; I was seeking answers. So I did what anyone would do. I typed in “Ass.”

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The Punisher

serena-williams-yelling

In a pun-soaked teaser to an update on the Serena Williams debacle from over the weekend, CNN’s Kyra Phillips just said:

Tennis superstar shows contempt of court. Now Serena Williams is going to have to pay for her verbal volley. Was she over the line?

I know how tempting it can be. I could pun the pants right off ya. But really, show a little restraint.

Maybe this would be a good time to review some basic writing rules. This list, in various forms, has made the writer rounds for years; certainly any journalist has been read the liturgy once or twice. Here’s a good version of it:

1.       Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2.       Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3.       And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4.       It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5.       Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)

6.       Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7.       Be more or less specific.

8.       Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9.       No sentence fragments.

10.     Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.

11.     One should never generalise.

12.     Don’t use no double negatives.

13.     Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

14.     Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

15.     Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

16.     Kill all exclamation marks!!!

17.     Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

18.     Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

19.     Puns are for children, not for groan people.

20.     Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Note, the Unhappy Mediator is a dedicated subscriber to usage rules — but also believes that (pardon the cliche (pardon the cliche)) rules are made to be broken. That is, when I’m doing the breaking.