Tag Archives: Google Game

Google Game: Don’t Have It, Don’t Want It

What if? What if? What if? Life is full of what ifs. What if I do this? What if I need that? What if the sky falls, if the mountains crumble, if I break my leg or get knocked up or forget my wireless password? What if Google is down?! (It’s OK, it’s not, deep breath.)

It’s one thing to go online to look for practical solutions to every-day problems, like alternatives to baking soda…

But consulting the Internet for amorphous philosophical quandaries could be troublesome:

Don’t want a background on your Google? Google that. Don’t know if you want to stay in/get out of your committed relationship? I think there are healthier ways to approach your ambivalence. WebMD is a quick alternative to a doctor, but it shouldn’t replace a proper diagnosis; Google may lead you to advice blogs or forums of like-minded folk, but remember, it’s not as personalized as it’s designed to appear. I sincerely hope people are not, in favor of anonymous web-searching, forsaking the wisdom and understanding of friends, family… and professionals.

Google Game: Easiest

We all have goals, we just don’t want to work too hard to reach them. Indeed, we want the easiest way to get where we’re going — and the easiest way to figure out what the easiest way is. So it stands to reason that we’d seek the existential paths of least resistance as we’d look for the best routes to avoid traffic after a long weekend: Google. What are we hoping to achieve in the easiest possible ways? New skills. A smaller waist and a bigger paycheck. A good looking site, a better looking suit. The easiest way out.

Aw, man. Easiest way to kill oneself? Seriously? That’s such a freaking downer. I mean, it’ s bad enough that there are so many people out there contemplating suicide. But it’s a whole new level of sad that they’re searching Google for the best ways to do it. So much for going out with dignity.

As you can imagine, the search results for “easiest way to kill oneself” contain some rather disturbing tidbits, like this forum discussion on a game developer website. Oh, nerds. Then there’s the creepy Wikipedia summary divided into Bleeding, Drowning, Suffocation and Electrocution. But I think the thing that strikes me most is down, down, down at the bottom of the page, where Google presents its selection of “related searches.” Among them: “cheapest way to kill yourself.” I’m all for thrift, but if there’s one thing to blow your wad on, it might as well be this.

Google Game… You Rent Those?

When it comes down to it, I’m sure there’s no way to be fully prepared for a lot of the things life throws at you, like, say, having a baby. You can rely to an extent on traditional wisdom, the experiences of your friends and family, books and whatnot — and after that it’s all trial and error. With the amount of baby-hullabaloo I’ve witnessed over the years I’ve acquired a decent amount of insight into the Pregnant Body and Life with Child. (Insight that I nary intend to exploit, though that’s neither here nor there.) So I, like most others who’ve also never been preggers, still know some of the ickier, more sensitive details about, say, breast feeding, or the prevention/correction of tearing (shudder) during delivery.

But of course, there’s plenty that I don’t know. Immeasurable amounts of information completely obscure to me. And short of getting myself knocked up (and, like, keeping it), there’s really only one way to find a lot of it out. Naturally, that’s Google. And naturally, some of it will be surprising. And kind of totally gross….

You rent those? Ew.

Google Game: Less is Fewer (Going Farther to Further Your Edification)

This week, I’ll use the Google Game as an excuse to provide yet another mini-grammar lesson. Today’s class: Less than versus Fewer than.

Searching Google for “less than” brings you ska bands, 80s novels and some obscure Andy Dick sitcom. But search for “fewer than,” less-than’s bookish cousin, and you get queries clearly demonstrating that no one else knows how/when they’re supposed to use “fewer” either.

The basic rule is: If you can count it, use fewer; if you can’t, less. Example:

There are fewer jelly beans in this jar than that jar.
I have less interest in how many jelly beans there are than in how to get them into my face.

The can-you-count-it rule can occasionally returns different results for seemingly the same subject. EG Time. I have less time to do this than I need. (The object, time, is indefinite.) I spent fewer hours on the project than I thought I’d need. (You thought you needed a certain — definite — number of hours, you used fewer than that.) Also consider something like sand: There’s less sand in a minute timer than a 3-minute timer. VS I counted the grains of sand in each timer, there are indeed fewer in the minute one.

Similar questions might arise when determining whether to use “farther” or “further.” According to Webster’s:

Farther and further have been used more or less interchangeably throughout most of their history, but currently they are showing signs of diverging…. A polarizing process appears to be taking place in their adjective use. Farther is taking over the meaning of distance <the farther shore> and further the meaning of addition <needed no further invitation>.

Imagine: physical distance = farther. (Get it? Far?)

But that’s if you’re keen to keep up with current linguistic trends. Webster’s says it’s historically kosher to use further and farther interchangeably when distance is involved, whether that distance is literal (It’s fa/urther from the subway), or metaphorical (He has fa/urther to go before he’ll be ready). But when there’s no notion of distance, further is always your man: This matter needs to be further explored; Further, you have more studying to do.

Got any questions of your own about esoteric adjectives and adverbs? Feel free to send me your queries and I’ll Google the answers for you.

Google Game: Do other…? (A Gender Study)

As we’ve seen before, searching Google is a popular and private way to express your deepest insecurities, while also getting to see that others out there are having the same worries. For instance:

Lotsa folks are unsure what other people think of them, and are trying to find out. Is it possible to drill down a little more, perhaps do a little demographic analysis? I think it is… Continue reading

Google Game: Where are they now?

No surprise that reality TV stars and generic celebrity searches top the most popular Where Are They Now queries. But I get a little swelling of pride in my TGIF when I see that Full House and Family Matters are still on the minds of the people.

Have mercy.

Google Game: Africans (and other ethnic queries)

Inspired by last week’s Google Game exploring the midgets of our curiosity — ahem, the limits of our curiosity — one of NHM’s readers began asking similar questions of the search engine. What are people wondering… about other people?

I can’t quite fathom why so many query whether Africans are partial to deodorant, French and milk, but the extra muscle q certainly comes from feeling inadequate. Kenyans often win marathons; White Men Can’t Jump. Ergo: Africans (that’s the same as “black,” right?) must have something physiologically over the slow and pasty.

If you feel like doing a little ethnic googling of your own, you’re sure to find that our collective searching betrays a pervasive insecurity.

Go ‘head, pick a people. Italians. Germans. Poles, Japanese, French, Indian… Folks want to know:

  • Do they like Americans?
  • Do they like Jews?
  • Do they like blacks?

They also want to know if they celebrate Halloween. And Thanksgiving. Yup, Thanksgiving.

Oh, and naturally we wonder if Africans eat monkeys, if the Chinese eat dogs and cats, and if Japanese people eat babies.

[Thanks, Tuck]

Google Game: Midgets (Do They or Don’t They?)

This week’s Google Game either speaks for itself, or requires a depth and breadth of analysis I’m ill prepared to deliver at present. While I process, please mull, and enjoy.

By the by, if being a midget does, indeed, constitute a serviceable defense against incarceration, then I’m going down to the DMV and putting my real height on my drivers license.

PS. “Willies”? That’s the web’s go-to word for penis?

[Thanks, DFH]

Google Game: Ways to improve

I’m sure to most of us this list looks at least somewhat familiar. We all forget, we all slump, and certainly we’ve all wondered how we can do or be or feel better. Even if we don’t necessarily turn to Google for help.


Rather than address each concern, let’s focus on just a couple that are particularly germane to NHM’s primary slant. (In the meantime you can transfer balances to a 12-month 0% fixed rate card, clean your filters, and practice trying to touch your toes.)

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Google Game: How, a two-fer

As we’ve certainly observed before, clear patterns often emerge when looking at the web’s most popular searches. And sometimes, nestled in among the usual questions (which usually, it seems, have to do with pregnancy), there’s a Google Suggestion that stands out from the pack.

With that in mind, today NHM brings you a game within a game. After the jump, take a look at a selection of suggested results for searches beginning with “how” and see if you can find the ones that don’t belong.

Continue reading