That is the message being sent in this new commercial from ad agency Cramer-Krasselt, right?
Reminds me of Bud Light Lime’s anal sex campaign.
It’s hard to read the fine print at the end of the spot, but I’m pretty sure it says either “Warning: Consumption of alcoholic beverages may lead to balls flying at your face” or “Please enjoy Corona responsibly, with a dental dam.”
The Unhappy Mediator is unhappy to announce that No Happy Medium is now on Twitter.
Indie darlings Built to Spill once said, “I don’t like this air, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop breathing it.” If Weird Al Yankovic had done a parody, he probably would have said, “I don’t like this pear, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop eating it.”
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Well, I, like Built to Spill, an imaginary incarnation of Weird Al and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (three of the biggest influences on my daily decision making), am breathing the air and eating the pear, stickers and all.
But wait, you say, how can this be? The Unhappy Mediator hates Twitter. Still true. I do hate Twitter and the ubiquitous waves of inanity emanating from it. But the site’s overwhelming popularity is a function of and party to its reach and influence; and it wouldn’t be so influential if it weren’t an inherently powerful tool to begin with. It is as a tool — that is, a marketing tool — and I intend to use it.
I will not stop making fun of Twitter, the Twitteratti, and the just-plain-Twits. I encourage you to call me out if I stray from this vow. Please view this self-interested transgression not as a defecting, but as an infiltration; I’ll be the man on the inside, ostensibly whoring for clicks, but really gathering intel and dismantling the machine from within. But mostly just whoring for clicks.
Please follow me here to keep up with the latest unhappiness.
From the directors of Two Stupid Stupid Guys, There's Something Going on with Mary.
Translation is a sticky game. I’ve long wished that I knew Russian so I could better appreciate Tolstoy. I wonder how much more I’d love Love in the Time of Cholera if my Spanish reading comprehension weren’t so dilapidated, or what greater enlightenment I’d have garnered from The Unbearable Lightness of Being in Kundera’s native Czech.
Translation is also a fun game, one that keeps me entertained for at least a stop or two every time I’m on the subway in New York comparing the sparse, pithy copy in the English language MTA ads to the meandering Spanish ones that require smaller font and tighter spacing to fit on the same poster, or pondering the rhythmic differences that make “si ves algo, di algo” sound better to me than “if you see something, say something.”
This post on the Economist’s Johnson language blog takes a look at interesting movie title translations, including “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” which is, in its original Swedish “Men Who Hate Women.” Definitely more going on there than just a little lost-in-translation-ing:
When I arrived in Mexico I wanted something easy to practice my Spanish, so I went looking for “La chica con el tatuaje del dragón”, as I assumed Stieg Larsson’s thriller might be known. It isn’t: the title here is “Los hombres que no amaban a las mujeres” (“The men who didn’t love women”).What a rubbish name, I thought: why couldn’t Mexicans be given a direct translation? In fact, it’s English-speakers who have been duped: the original, in Swedish, is simply “Men who hate women”. (“It was considered too scary for foreign audiences, while just hitting the politically-correct spot in Sweden,” reckons my neighbourhood Swede.)
Duped indeed. Or maybe “Men who hate women” just wasn’t specific enough to differentiate it from other Hollywood flicks.
By the by, I’ve got a little movie title translation of my own to offer — for “Burn After Reading.” Sorry, Coen brothers, you know I love you, but you got this one wrong. Shoulda called it “Burn Before Watching.”
[Thanks, Ter.]
It’s like a metaphor come to life, on 6th Avenue. You come out of your Jenny Craig consultation. Do you turn left…
…or do you turn right?
I like to think that the Jenny Craig was already there when some brilliant McDonald’s franchisee strolled past a storefront for rent and thought, “Jackpot.”
Posted in Shoot the Messenger, Write and Wrong
Tagged gnc, jenny craig, mcdonald's, yogurt
Census forms are due today. Did you fill yours out? I did, and for that I can honestly credit the gov’s $133 million marketing campaign. The spending seems exorbitant, but it must have been effective because the ads convinced me send it back, and I’m one of the laziest, least particpatory citizens you’re likely to meet. Unless you take the L train.
According to a report on NPR, the lowest Census return rate comes from our very own Williamsburg, Brooklyn, where residents are, like, above it. Take a listen, because the transcript really doesn’t do the interview between NPR’s Robert Smith and The ‘Burg’s Nate Stark justice (my goodness, all those “like”s!):
Mr. STARK: We still get mail from the past 30 people that have lived there. So it’s like who knows if people are getting these.
SMITH: Well, actually the census knows. These few blocks around Wythe Avenue and 6th Street have about a 36 percent return rate.
Nate Stark has an explanation.
Mr. STARK: I guess it’s laziness and like, what’s the point? When it comes down to it, nobody wants to fill out like another form that’s just like getting sent to your house that really relatively has nothing to do with your life.
SMITH: He thinks the young people just haven’t been given a good enough reason to fill out the census.
Mr. STARK: I mean people would do if they got like five bucks.
SMITH: Five bucks?
Mr. STARK: Yeah. Or if there was like more than just like a piece of paper that’s like you have to do this or you could get in trouble, which no one will get in trouble; that’s why they don’t do it.
From the mouths of, like, total babes, eh? Add idle disobedience to day-glo Ray Bans on the list of this month’s top Bedford trends. See, I freaking told you guys I wasn’t a hipster.
If I were a dude, and the type of dude that rides a bike, I would be all over DZ Nuts high viscosity chamois cream. Per the instructions you “drop your shorts” and apply “directly on perineal (taint) area” before riding. DZ Nuts! Taint! Gold!
I love the freedom guys have to talk about their tackle. Could you imagine the back of an FDS bottle saying “lift your skirt and spray liberally in the vag region”? Me neither. And the bottle certainly wouldn’t sport a graphic suggesting a wafting snatch.
Can you figure out why I love this commercial?
If you guessed it’s because I love candy bars and making fun of iPhone apps, you win.
And so does this commercial. Indeed, it won a video contest to get on the air. I’m into these commercial contests. There’s a lot of lowest-common-denominator stagnation in the advertising world, and it’s refreshing to see some creative average joes getting a shot before they’ve been co-opted by the media machine and brainwashed to deliver formulaic tripe. For another quality product of open mic marketing, peep this freaking gem from the Super Bowl:
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged at&t, butterfinger, candy, doritos, iphone app, motorola, superbowl, tv commercials
…and they respect those who serve for our country. Either that, or our troops are heading overseas armed with rubbery anatomical recreations. Talk about an arsenal. (Oh!)
Honorable mention to this sign on the News & Video’s side wall:
Remember, you must be 18 years of age and share their sensibilities to enter. No children, no pansies.
Posted in Shoot the Messenger
Tagged fleshlights, military, pornography, signs, texas
You’re driving on the highway. You’ve been driving on the highway for hours. And hours. And hours. Maybe you’re on your way from New York to Austin, Texas for SXSW. The Mid-Atlantic states long ago began to bleed into one another — Pennsawestvirginhioky — and all you want is for one of them to have something to show for itself — roadside attraction, lake, brush fire. That, and a cup of coffee. God, you need a cup of coffee.
You realize you’re under the speed limit when an oil truck appears from within the gaping blind spot of this rental van and merges into your lane. It’s a Pilot truck, splattered with an advertisement for the gas and mega-mini-mart chain that’s duke if not king in these parts. The behemoth slides itself to fill your frame of view and teases you with the sublime and impossible suggestion that you’re gaining ground on a tanker truck full to capacity with the caffeinated black gold you lust for.
You imagine the possibilities of pulling alongside and filling up. An interstate iteration of mid-air refueling. Your head bobs to the gentle sloshing of salvation. Blearily you snap out of it and sputter a mangled “Oh, you assholes” as you pull off at the next exit, restore energy and regain dignity with a defiant Dixie cup of joe from the Shell station.
Posted in Shoot the Messenger, Write and Wrong
Tagged advertising, coffee, pilot, sxsw
When I saw this commercial it surprised me to find that it was a PSA for a program from Time Warner Cable. It takes a lot for me to say nice things about Time Warner (shyster assholes), but this is a much-needed message, well delivered. According to the website:
In November 2009, Time Warner Cable launched Connect a Million Minds (CAMM), a philanthropic commitment of $100 million cash and in-kind donations. This five-year program was designed to inspire students to pursue learning opportunities and careers in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM).
What do I see in the future? Well, I do hope that the US ups its STEM game in the global marketplace. But it’s disheartening to think that our bosses will have been encouraged in adolescence to nurture the chips that being a geek in high school piles on their shoulders.
Still, here’s hoping the nerds of today in fact become the innovators of tomorrow. Back up plan: train all these kids to put customers on hold for an hour.
Posted in Lab Results, Shoot the Messenger
Tagged connect a million minds, innovation, nerd, shameless plugs, time warner cable, tv commercials
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No Happy Medium 