Category Archives: Information Stupor Highway

Idiocy on the internet.

Redifining the OED: Aging Tome Commits Digital Hara-Kiri

dic·tio·nary
noun \ˈdik-shə-ˌner-ē, -ˌne-rē\
archaic: a reference book containing words alphabetically arranged along with information about their forms, pronunciations, functions, etymologies, meanings, and syntactical and idiomatic uses. Historically dictionaries were printed on paper and bound between leather covers. [see: book, library, reading, obsolete]

It’s been coming for a while now: the unbookification of the Oxford English Dictionary. The publisher told the Associated Press Sunday that the next version of the reference series might not be printed on paper, but only available to online subscribers at OED.com.

Nigel Portwood, chief executive of Oxford University Press, told The Sunday Times in an interview he didn’t think the newest edition will be printed. “The print dictionary market is just disappearing. It is falling away by tens of percent a year,” he said.

His comment related primarily to the full-length dictionary, but he said the convenience of the electronic format also is affecting demand for its shorter dictionaries.

It’s hard not to cringe at the idea of the OED, the world’s seminal authority on the English language, going out of print, but let’s be real for a minute. The full edition is 20 volumes, 22,000 pages and costs $995. Even if I had a grand to throw at a dictionary I wouldn’t have anywhere to put it. And I’m the kind of nerd who gazes fondly from across the room at her New Shorter OED like it’s a cute boy with glasses holding a puppy. Your average Joe isn’t going to consider dropping a G on a book of words.

The full volume has sold just 30,000 copies — since 1989. It was never a truly consumer product. But the website, which offers subscription-only access to the definitions of over half a million words for an annual fee of $295, gets 2 million hits a month. In an increasingly illiterate world, that’s pretty good.

Until you compare it to Twitter, which gets 100 times that. Sigh.

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Tweet ‘Em

The Unhappy Mediator is unhappy to announce that No Happy Medium is now on Twitter.

Twitter.com/NoHappyMedium

Indie darlings Built to Spill once said, “I don’t like this air, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop breathing it.” If Weird Al Yankovic had done a parody, he probably would have said, “I don’t like this pear, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop eating it.”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Well, I, like Built to Spill, an imaginary incarnation of Weird Al and Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (three of the biggest influences on my daily decision making), am breathing the air and eating the pear, stickers and all.

But wait, you say, how can this be? The Unhappy Mediator hates Twitter. Still true. I do hate Twitter and the ubiquitous waves of inanity emanating from it. But the site’s overwhelming popularity is a function of and party to its reach and influence; and it wouldn’t be so influential if it weren’t an inherently powerful tool to begin with. It is as a tool — that is, a marketing tool — and I intend to use it.

I will not stop making fun of Twitter, the Twitteratti, and the just-plain-Twits. I encourage you to call me out if I stray from this vow. Please view this self-interested transgression not as a defecting, but as an infiltration; I’ll be the man on the inside, ostensibly whoring for clicks, but really gathering intel and dismantling the machine from within. But mostly just whoring for clicks.

Please follow me here to keep up with the latest unhappiness.

Reader Appreciation: This week’s top searches

Thanks to the readers who made these the current top search terms leading to the site:

Online, Turning Lemons into Lemonade, Attempted Rape into Pop Stardom

Vodpod videos no longer available.

You may have seen the reports on Antoine Dodson’s infectious invective. Likely you’ve heard the Gregory Brothers’ Auto-tune remix. You may have bought The Bed Intruder Song for $1.29 on iTunes.

If you did purchase the song, you helped put its Aug 8 debut on the iTunes US charts at #44, just below John Mayer and above Carrie Underwood. That day, more people bought it than anything by P!nk or Justin Bieber. I’m not sure how many sales the song has had, but Dodson’s maybe-50-cent take of each download was enough, according to the ABC article, to move his family out of the projects.

Some people go on reality shows and get famous overnight. Some people do the same thing in plain ol’ reality. Unreal.

Stick it to the Media

A man after my own heart. Self-described “geek comedian” Tom Scott has created a series of Journalism Warning Labels you can slap on your favorite — or least favorite — rag as a public service to other readers. Or as a stickily satisfying way to physically manifest your rage and disgust.

And how thoughtful, the kindly Brit included a link to a PDF of the labels that prints properly on standard American Avery sticker sheets.

Too bad we don’t have these for online publications. Of course if we did I wouldn’t be able to see my screen anymore. Too cluttered with labels like:

Warning: This post has been written by click whores riding the wave of this hour’s latest “news” story. There is nothing of value here.

Warning: Author has absolutely no credibility.

Warning: By clicking this link you are willfully contributing to the slow and inevitable degradation of human intelligence.

Warning: This video is not funny. The friend who sent it to you is wrong. I don’t care if he usually has the same keen sense of humor as you do. He’s wrong. It’s not funny. At all. Don’t waste your time.

[via Boing Boing]

Online, Hate, Love and Minimal Curiosity Are All Equal

 

I care not for you, yet still I click.

If we weren’t so bored, you wouldn’t be famous.

Once upon a time you got word of a good book and you had to read the thing to join the conversation. Then a couple hours in the cinema caught you up on the latest movie. Then half an hour in front of the tube. And so on. Now thirty seconds at the computer is enough to turn any no-name into a sensation.

Here’s the problem with the internet being free and accessible: it’s lowered the bar irremediably.

So not only can an idiotic hoax, like the Hot Jenny Quits via Whiteboard, jpeg put-on, reach near-immediate saturation, but there’s no way to differentiate between the clicks of the gullible and the clicks of the academically curious. A web-surfer forwarding on the series of 33 utterly uninspired photos of “Jenny” “quitting” her “job” with lame wannabe witticisms on a whiteboard has the same clickrate value as, say, a curmudgeonly blogger doing her minimal due diligence before ranting about how stupid the whole thing is. Moreover, it puts imaginationless attention whores on virtual par with true visionaries like Steven Slater, the Jet Blue flight attendant who put in his two-beers notice while riding the inflatable slide off a plane at JFK.

That's right, I said visionary.

We’re never going to win the war on bad taste. Reality TV has taught us that, if nothing else. And, sadly, there’s no way around the democratic equanimity of the web that makes every click matter. If there were an Internet Constitution I’d move that stupid people be given 3/5 of a click, but alas, it shan’t be so. In lieu of a “solution” I offer at least a way to balance the scales. For every one thing you read online that makes you feel dumber for having read it, click on one thing with the potential to edify or inspire. At the very least, maybe we can each emerge from a day at net zero (if not on the emergency raft). Call it the new net neutrality.

Fun with Grammar, a Lesson in What Not to Do (When Breaking up, or Pretty Much Ever)

I’d like to draw your attention today to Breakup Letter, Dramatic Reading, which features, as you may have guessed, a dramatic reading of a breakup letter (below), originally posted on Craigslist. It may be familiar to many of you. If you haven’t been to the site you must go. If you have, it’s time to go back. Brought to us by the gents behind You’re the Man Now, Dog (ytmnd.com), this gem in the crown of Internet forwards is more than a hilarious three-minute diversion. It’s an allegory of a world without grammar lessons. A cold, dark place where there’s never time to pause for breath and everyone sounds like a foreigner on uppers.

The link takes you straight to the audio of the reading, so if you’re at work, pop in them headphones:

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

Please, if you ever have a moment when you’re wondering why it matters where that comma goes, just think of this letter… and of the children.

Reader Appreciation: Wait, what?

Thanks to the reader who found the site by searching
I can do bad all by myself haircut.

See: Tyler Perry’s Next Bad Thing

Today’s Tweets, Tomorrow’s Textbooks

In case historical Google searches and most-watched YouTube videos weren’t enough to condemn our time as an epoch marked by frivolity and self-indulgent rot, the Library of Congress announced today that it will archive all Twitter posts since March 2006. And, yes, they announced it via tweet:

I really do shudder when I think about passing on a digital time capsule of the Internet Age. Whereas we have physically dug up stone tablets and arrowheads of civilizations before us, strong and persistent clues to the past, future humans will be downloading and deciphering every niggling, impulsive linguistic belch we’ve spewed in the new millennium. May as well Sharpie a penis on the face of humanity and call it a day.

[ars technica, via Gizmodo]

A Comment on the Pixels Post

When I titled my last post I was aware of the Pixels video’s tremendously quick web saturation — I mean, that thing was all over geek and civilian sites in, like, seconds. I also noted (parenthetically) that the filmmaker’s name did not appear on the website of the production house he was e-rumored to belong to. Well, by the end of Friday my inclinations proved intuitively on-target: pirate versions of the video abounded, along with rampant false information on the auteur’s affiliation. I received an email from the studio responsible for Pixels asking me to correct any inaccurate information here. Of course I did so, and then wished them luck taming the rest of the internet.

It was a vivid microcosmic example of what happens — or at least could happen — on the web every day. The speed of information and the widespread lack of accountability, not to mention the commonly-occurring conflict between getting it early and getting it right, makes it way too easy to transform a flippant remark or malicious misinformation into a virtually unstoppable digital zeitgeist. For my part in this instance, I wrestled with some cognitive dissonance as a writer trying to keep up with the informational tide who also nurses a once-a-fact-checker-always-a-fact-checker’s discomfort with unverified information. In the end I compromised, deciding that the issue at hand — right studio/wrong studio — wasn’t such a big deal if I fucked it up and opting for timeliness with a weak disclaimer. The fact that I wavered at all, and whether or not others did, is immaterial; bad news travels as fast as good news and wrong news, and we’re the ones who set all of it in motion. We, meaning anyone who writes on the web, meaning basically anyone.

So if this is some sort of Internet parable, then what’s the lesson? Ideally: that people ought to take extra time and attention to minimize the trafficking of false or inaccurate material on the web. Realistically: This is the way things are and they’re not likely to change, so always remember to have some salt with your surfing.