Category Archives: Google Game

Google Game: Why won’t my…?

Am I tempted to take this set of results as an opportunity to soliloquize smugly on the fallibility of Apple? To point out the difference between omnipresence and omnipotence? You bet I am. But I won’t. Much.

Considering that people are apparently inclined to turn to Google while sitting in a car that won’t turn over (presumably on their iPhones — and indeed I did watch my traveling companion a couple weeks ago google “why won’t my Ford van start”; it did not return what we soon figured out was the answer: hold the shifter a half-inch above “P” with your left hand while turning the key with the right), it seems fair to conclude that the search engine fields myriad queries about glitches in our most prized and important machines.

And so isn’t it curious that just one of the top ten Google searches aimed to elucidate the causes of malfunctioning electronics regards anything other than an iPod,  iPhone or iTunes? I wonder.

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Google Game: Are there…?

What I like about these Google Suggest results is how they meld healthy curiosity, paranoia and almost heartwarming idiocy.

Thanks for the tip, Kevin.

Google Game… You Rent Those?

When it comes down to it, I’m sure there’s no way to be fully prepared for a lot of the things life throws at you, like, say, having a baby. You can rely to an extent on traditional wisdom, the experiences of your friends and family, books and whatnot — and after that it’s all trial and error. With the amount of baby-hullabaloo I’ve witnessed over the years I’ve acquired a decent amount of insight into the Pregnant Body and Life with Child. (Insight that I nary intend to exploit, though that’s neither here nor there.) So I, like most others who’ve also never been preggers, still know some of the ickier, more sensitive details about, say, breast feeding, or the prevention/correction of tearing (shudder) during delivery.

But of course, there’s plenty that I don’t know. Immeasurable amounts of information completely obscure to me. And short of getting myself knocked up (and, like, keeping it), there’s really only one way to find a lot of it out. Naturally, that’s Google. And naturally, some of it will be surprising. And kind of totally gross….

You rent those? Ew.

Google Game: What’s so great about…

Every era has its fascinations, zeigeists that intrigue and often confuse. The most complex or enigmatic of these will persist in popular interest as the ages progress, placing time’s most enduring allurements in fraternity with today’s spurious obsessions.

And therefore we see our fellow man searching for an explanation for the defining strengths of our great nation (or is it?), da Vinci’s beguiling brunette and the whole of Christianity, while also probing the cloud for explanations of the buzziest of current concerns: Facebook, Twitter and Twilight, for instance.

Will Avatar be our generation’s Mona Lisa? When time obscures the context in which the movie represents a monumental step forward for technology and industry, will Googlers of Christmas Future wonder what so ensnared the collective imagination? Will James Cameron’s perplexing smirk make the coming generations wonder what he knows that they don’t? Or will they be too busy downloading pictures of Robert Pattinson to care?

I’m willing to wager, in any event, that Windows 7 will be long-replaced, BluRay gone the way of the laser disc, Twitter and Faceboook reduced to prominent points on an internet time line. And the iPhone will probably be made in America — a great place for cheap labor and manufacturing outsourcing — and shipped to China.

Google Game: How do I get…?

I’m starting to think that maybe Google suggest isn’t the most accurate indicator of popular interest.

Maybe it’s my lazy reporting (the Unhappy Mediator is writing from the mountains this week, which may contribute to snowboardbummish journoblogger slackerdom), but I really don’t think that, like, so many people are searching for ways to get their sisters to sleep with them. Moreover, there doesn’t seem to be any interesting internet story behind “How do I get my sister to sleep with me?” No Christwire articles or anything. Just a handful of other autocomplete enthusiasts and a recent Yahoo Answers query, which seems to have been posted only recently — presumably after it started to receive bloggy attention. There’s some data mining here, surely, contributing to the painting of an inaccurate portrait of our collective search tendencies.

Then again, people are really into World of Warcraft and Farmville. Some people are, like, really, really into them. And some folks, I reckon, are really, really into family.

[Thanks, Paul]

Google Game: Less is Fewer (Going Farther to Further Your Edification)

This week, I’ll use the Google Game as an excuse to provide yet another mini-grammar lesson. Today’s class: Less than versus Fewer than.

Searching Google for “less than” brings you ska bands, 80s novels and some obscure Andy Dick sitcom. But search for “fewer than,” less-than’s bookish cousin, and you get queries clearly demonstrating that no one else knows how/when they’re supposed to use “fewer” either.

The basic rule is: If you can count it, use fewer; if you can’t, less. Example:

There are fewer jelly beans in this jar than that jar.
I have less interest in how many jelly beans there are than in how to get them into my face.

The can-you-count-it rule can occasionally returns different results for seemingly the same subject. EG Time. I have less time to do this than I need. (The object, time, is indefinite.) I spent fewer hours on the project than I thought I’d need. (You thought you needed a certain — definite — number of hours, you used fewer than that.) Also consider something like sand: There’s less sand in a minute timer than a 3-minute timer. VS I counted the grains of sand in each timer, there are indeed fewer in the minute one.

Similar questions might arise when determining whether to use “farther” or “further.” According to Webster’s:

Farther and further have been used more or less interchangeably throughout most of their history, but currently they are showing signs of diverging…. A polarizing process appears to be taking place in their adjective use. Farther is taking over the meaning of distance <the farther shore> and further the meaning of addition <needed no further invitation>.

Imagine: physical distance = farther. (Get it? Far?)

But that’s if you’re keen to keep up with current linguistic trends. Webster’s says it’s historically kosher to use further and farther interchangeably when distance is involved, whether that distance is literal (It’s fa/urther from the subway), or metaphorical (He has fa/urther to go before he’ll be ready). But when there’s no notion of distance, further is always your man: This matter needs to be further explored; Further, you have more studying to do.

Got any questions of your own about esoteric adjectives and adverbs? Feel free to send me your queries and I’ll Google the answers for you.

Google Game: Things to do other than…

While writing last week’s Google Game post I stumbled upon a gem of a search. From time to time in life you realize that you need a change. You’re on a path someone else laid out for you, or you’re whiling away precious time, or you’re stuck in self-destructive patterns. Naturally, when it’s time to take control an open-ended interweb search is step 1:

Apparently a lot of people are looking for alternative routes after high school, because as far as I can tell these are all elements of the college experience.

Drinking
TV
Eating
Sex
Drugs
Smoking
Movies
Cutting

Yup, sounds about right.

Google Game: Do other…? (A Gender Study)

As we’ve seen before, searching Google is a popular and private way to express your deepest insecurities, while also getting to see that others out there are having the same worries. For instance:

Lotsa folks are unsure what other people think of them, and are trying to find out. Is it possible to drill down a little more, perhaps do a little demographic analysis? I think it is… Continue reading

Google Game: Why can’t I…?

For this week’s game we’re going to take it down in two parts.  The top result doubtless has caught your attention by now, but we’ll return to that shortly. First, let’s tackle the seven items I’ve labeled a-through-g:

a. See (b.)

b. See (e.)

c. See (a.) & (b.)

d. See (c.)

e. See (f.)

f. Rewrite your resume, see (a.)

g. See (f.) & (c.) & (a.)

Now, click through for more on Canadians, and why you can’t have one.

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Google Game: Quotes

Nuptials. Breakups. Friendship. New baby, job, home, direction. When something profound happens we look for words worthy of the occasion. Then we realize that we have no idea what to say. But someone else must. Aha! Quote a famous person! Someone smart and eloquent and insightful and not you. To the internet!

Looks about right. Life, love, moving on, happiness… The Notebook? Geesh. When I found that I took a breather, then redid the same search and found a rather hilarious surprise substitution…

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